Leviticus 22

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Old Testament
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1 An so, teh Ceiling Cat sed to Moses2 to sai to Aaron an his suns: I are teh Ceiling Cat, an I demnd tat u honr my holi name bai showng propr respekt for the peepol of Israyil, tey broht me cheezburgrs!


3 If u iz drty whn u exxcept cheezburgr for me, I will nu longr let u serv as Preest.


4 If u make mistayk with PENIS GOES WHERE?!, thn u wull not b abel to eat saycrd cheezburgrs.


5 When u is uncleen, then u must tayk baff. But evn when u is cleen, u stil not eat cheezburer til no moar lyte in day.6 If u touchiz teh uncleens, us is uncleens till teh evening.7 When teh sun go "kthxbai!" then u be cleen and u can eat teh sacred offerin's.8 An so, u will not eat stuffs tat r ded, for u weel becom uncleen. So sai teh Ceiling Cat.


9 Teh preests are sposseded to keep mai contmpt. For tehy weel thn be holi. So say teh Ceiling Cat.10 No rand0m d00dz can eat teh sacred offerin. Only teh preest and himz posse.11 o, and teh preests slaves can eat too, k?12 But not teh preests girl if she marryz random d00d.13 But if she divorsiz random d00d, or if random d00d is like, "OK, FAIL" then she CAN HAS teh sacred offerin'. But no random d00dz or l00zers, k?


14 If any1 axidently eats teh sacrid offerin', hes gots to pay teh priest back even moar.15 No touchy teh sacred offerin's, k?16 DO NOT WANT eat uncleen offerin's.

Stuff Iz Does Not Want

17 Ceiling Cat sayz to Mozis,18 Go sayz to Aaron Cat and posse, if u gos to givez a present 4 teh burnt offerin',19 u gots to prezent a perdy male. Its can be moo-cowz, sheepys, goats, I donts care. Just makes sure its perdy. Dats inportment. Gots to be perdy.20 If its not perdy, I wont accepts it.21 4 teh feloeship oferrin' and teh freewill offerin', they gots to be perdy 2.22 DO NOT WANT blind, injerde, mamed, warty, festriy sore (ewwww), srsly DO NOT WANT!!1!!23 U cans offer injird okxes, but not 4 teh vowz.24 DO NOT WANT animabls with PWNED harbls /DO NOT WANT25 DO NOT WANT teh diformdz foring animables /DO NOT WANT26 So Ceiling Cat sayz to Mosez,27 DO NOT WANT aminables 7 daze old oar yunger WTF u kilz baybehz? /DO NOT WANT!!!11@1!!!28 DO NOT WANT animabls hoo gots PWNED and hooz kidz gots PWNED on teh same day /DO NOT WANT29 Do teh sacrifys right. Dont be messin its up. Srsly.30 Eat teh sackerficez on teh same day. Donts waits till teh brekfises. Iz no gud teh nex mornign lyk ptza r chynize fud, lol.31 Do waht Iz says.32 I gots teh holeyness33 and Iz took u outs of teh Egipt wehre u did not has cheezburgers.

Leviticus 22
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