Leviticus 13

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1 Oh hai it's Leviticuz broz. Teh Ceiling Cat sayed to Aaron n Moses2 "anyonez gotz swellins or rashes or real bright spotz on der skinz dat might get all painfulz3 Ya den a Preezt of teh Ceiling Cat gotsta check dat sore an if da hairz are all old guy white and de sore is like real deep, it is infekshous. An den teh poor sucker iz ceremonially drrty lol.4 but if teh spot is caucazn n white but izn't more den skin deepz an da hair izn't all old guy-ish teh poor dude hazta be izolated fer like a week. no kidding. and teh dude's like DO NOT WANT.5 after leik a week teh Preezt checkz him agin an if teh sore is like teh same an izn't spreaded none, teh poor dude gotsta stay izolated fer anoder weekz lol.6 after anoter week teh Preezt checkz him agin fer leik teh millionth time lolz, an if teh sore iz pretty much cleenz is only a rash and teh poor dude is ok. teh poor dude hafta clean hiz threads and den he iz clean too lol.7 but if teh rash haz spred after he showz hisself to teh Preezt an iz cleen he hasta go see teh Preezt agin an he is all DO NOT WANT PLZKTHX.8 teh Preezt will chek him agin an if teh rash is spreaded teh poor dude iz uncleen an infekshous an is prolly gonna die. SUX FOR HIM LOL.


9 "wen anyone gotz a infekshous skin dizeeze he must showed it to teh Preezt dude.10 teh Preezt will chek him out an if der be wite swellin in teh skin an teh hairz is whitez an if der is leik ew raw skinz,11 den itz an skin dizeeze an teh Preezt tellz teh dude dat he'z uncleen lol. he wont put teh dude in izolation cuz he'z arready drrty. sux for teh poor dude.


12 "if teh dizeeze iz all up ons teh poor dudes skinz,13 teh Preezt chekz him an if teh dizeeze iz all ovar him den teh dude iz cleen wtf why?14 but if teh raw skinz are up ons him den he iz uncleen15 wen teh Preezt seez teh raw skinz he will be all DUDE YER UNCLEEN. teh raw skinz are teh uncleen; dude haz a infekshus dizeeze.16 if teh raw skinz turn wite he gotsta go to teh Preezt.17 teh Preezt chekz him an if teh booboos are wite den teh Preezt will be leik ITS YER LUCKY DAY YER CLEEN.


18 "wen someonez gotz a ugly boil on hiz skin an den it goez away,19 an in teh place wher teh ugly boil wuz a wite er red spot iz, he hafta see teh Preezt.20 teh Preezt will chek it an if teh booboo iz deep an teh hairz iz whitez den teh poor dude iz uncleen lol.21 but if der iz no wite hairz an it aint deep den teh preezt will keep teh dude in izolashun fer like 7 dayz er sumthin.22 if it iz gittin biggerz den teh preezt will be leik U UNCLEEN.23 but if teh spot din git biggerz den iz only a scar rofl an teh preezt will be leik U CLEEN.


24 "wen someone gotz a burn on der skinz an iz red-wite.25 teh Preezt gotsta be showed teh spot an if teh hairz arr wite an it is deepz iz infekshus dizeeze from teh burninz. teh Preezt will be leik srry dude but youz uncleen. an teh dude wil be leik ORLY?26 but if teh Preezt seez it an der aint no wite hairs den he putz him in izolation fer leik a week.27 on teh seven dayz teh Preezt will chek him out an if teh burnz git biggerz teh Preezt be leik UH OH YOU'Z UNCLEEN.28 but if teh spot iz teh same den teh dude will be cleenz. is good!


29 "if a dude or a chik haz a sore in der hed or chinz,30 teh Preezt will chek teh sore n if teh hairz on teh sore are leik yello den teh preezt will be leik YOU'Z UNCLEEN.31 but if teh sore aint gotz no blak hairz den teh dude or chik doez in izolation fer leik a week.32 on teh 7th dayz teh preezt will chek teh sore n if itz shallowz n not yello,33 den teh dude or chik hazta have der hairz cut offz lolz.34 on teh 7th dayz teh Preezt will chek it out n if itz just normal teh Preezt will b leik OK YERR GOOD.35 but if teh sore spreads on teh cleen personz,36 den teh Preezt gotsta chek it out n if teh sore is gotten biggerz den teh chik or dude is uncleen.37 but if teh sore iz da same an if haz sum blak hairz den teh dude or chik is cleen an itz all good.


38 ok so wen a dude or a chik haz gotz wite spotz on der skinz,39 teh Preezt muzt chek dem an if he is leik TEH SPOTZ ARE WITE den teh chik or dude iz ok.


40 "so wen a dude aint got no hairz he iz bald lolz.41 n if he haz a bald fourhed den he is ok tooz.42 but if der iz a sore on his hed, den itz no good.43 teh preezt will chek him out n if teh sore iz red n ugly,44 den teh dude iz dizeezed n uncleen. teh Preezt will tell him dat.


47 OK so liek if threads iz havin mildews48 or anyting iz havin mildewz49 and if mildewz iz greens or redz, den must be showed to priest of Ceiling Cat.50 Den Mr. Priest hidesez it under bucket 4 7 dais.51 Den de Preezt looks at de mildewz again. If it haz growed, den dat cloth is uncleen.52 Den de Preezt is liek "I can haz fier?" and burnzez de clothz.


53 But if de Preezt is liek "omg mildewz no haz spread"54 den de objekt is washed (oh noes!) n stuffs n put under bucket again.55 den he luks at mildewz again. if mildew is same color or haz same flavor den preezt iz liek "I can haz fire?" and burnzez clothz. Even if rotz iz on front or backz. srsly.56 But den if de mildews flavor is changez den priest voids ur warranty and rips out of clothz. den u haz invizible mildews!57 But den if de mildews is visiblez again, burnzez.58 or give de clothz a bath (oh noes again!) and see if u gets invisible clothz. den it iz srsly cleen.


59 dat iz de way Ceiling Cat decidez how 2 talk bout mildewz.

Leviticus 13
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