Lamentations 3

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Old Testament


1 I'z teh onlee kitteh left aftr teh Ceiling Cat's raff!
2 He tell me "GO WAI!!" and smakd me in mah fays!
3 Fer shur he pwnd me all dai and no dai!

4 He has maed me lik teh geezers! OH NOES I'm rinkeld and crabby.
5 He has left me outsidz in teh rayn in a yard full ov doggies.
6 Nao, i liv outsidez wif no bukkits or belly rubs, no noms or canopenrz.

7 He has pwnd me and trapd me in a base. ITS A TRAP!. And haz tyed me in bondij wiht no safwurd
8 Evn wen I crai all dai and no dai foar HALP, he telz me, "SHUT IT! I NO HEER U!"
9 He takded mani legos and built a base wif hi wallz soz i no can jump out.

10 Lyk a big doggie hidin bhind teh couch
11 He pull me bai mah tail an pokded me in mah eyz. POIK! An I crai "HALP!"
12 He ty me to a bullzey and frew dartz at mah hed!

13 He pokded me lik i wuz teh doh'boy til my bludz run out lik nacho cheez.
14 All mah felo kittehs LOL'd at me an maed me crai and tehy singd songs abowt my lamness.
15 Tehy frew cookiez maed of litter at me soz i can no eated dem. an dat sux!

16 Mai face fall down in teh litter and breaks mai teefs.
17 I haz no reeces peeces and i fergetted wat is waz lik to be rich.
18 I sed, "Mai gudness is awl gone!"

19 I memer lif wit no bukkits or catnipz, no noms or bellyrubs.
22 Teh Ceiling Cat's compashuns no has FAILS! and he has grate luvs.
24 I sez to myself, I sez self, "Yu no run out of happy. Wayt pashuntly for the Ceiling Cat!

25 Teh Ceiling Cat givs bukkits to teh kittehs hoo has hoaps and hoo plays hyd and seeks wif him.
26 It iz gud to wayt foar teh Ceiling Cat to send HALP.
27 It iz gud for kittehs to hav onlee egg yokes while he iz yung.

28 I sitz a lone in sylenz while teh grate Playa lais it on meh!.
29 I will let mah face fallz daown in teh litterz.
30 If'n sumonez wantz to pwn yu, let dem smakd u in teh face. Cuz tehy wil be teh stoopid n00bz. w00t!

31 Cuz teh Ceiling Cat duznt foarget teh gud kittehs foar long.
32 Evn doe teh Ceiling Cat iz liek misstur meeny pantz sumtaims, der iz sumtaimes wen Ceiling Cat givs teh compashuns, cuz him can has lotz ov mercies.
33 Cuz Ceiling Cat duznt rly wantz to pwnz teh ppl or teh kittehs. Srsly.

34 If yu pwnzrz all teh doodz in teh urf's bases wif yur pawz,
35 Or if yu sez to a kitteh, rite in frunt ov teh Ceiling Cat, "Yu no can has cheezburgerz or teh litterz,"
36 Or if yu sez to LOLrus, "Iz in yur howse taking all yur bukkits," den teh Ceiling Cat iz liek, "Being teh gud kitteh? Ur doing it wrong. Srsly."

37 Iz der a kitteh hoo can sez, "Iz wantin sum cheezburgerz now plz? Kthx." An den dey can has cheezburgerz, evn doe Ceiling Cat duznt sez, "Proceed"?
38 Duznt all teh gud tings an all teh bad tings coems frum teh Ceiling Cat, hoo iz liek srsly al teh wayz up on teh ceiling? Srsly!
39 So y iz all teh kittehs liek "Oh noes! Do not want!" when teh Ceiling Cat iz liek "Invisible error! Pew pew pew!"

40 Yuz an meh shud fink abowt wat we duz, and coem back to teh Ceiling Cat.
41 We shud rays owr harts an owr pawz up to teh Ceiling Cat up at teh ceiling an sez,
42 "Oh hai! We can has invisible error an fails, srsly, an yu does not want dat.

43 "So dat'z wai yu iz teh misstur meeny pantz and shooot us wif teh lazrs, pew pew pew!
44 An yu maek teh clowd of litterz ovr us so dat wen we sez 'Halp!' yu duznt heer it, and iz liek 'FAIL!'
45 Yu maekded us liek teh litter clumpz to teh ppl. Srsly.

46 "Teh dogz is allwayz liek "bark bark" rly rly lowd at us.
47 An sumtaims yu maek us play dat old gaem Pitfallz, but iz rly rly old an iz not fun. Srsly. We can has difrent gaem plz?"
48 Iz allwayz crai cuz mai kittehs haetded dat gaem so much.

49 Teh waterz iz liek allwayz coeming owt of mai eyz an stuf,
50 Til teh Ceiling Cat luks down frum teh ceiling an iz liek, "Oh hai!"
51 All teh grrl kittehs in teh howse maeks meh sadd. I can has moer doodz plz? Kthx.

52 Teh dogz duznt liek meh, evn doe iz so wickd cool, rite? But dey chaeses meh liek iz teh bird an stuf.
53 Dey frew meh in teh litterz bawx and dey frew teh clumpz at meh. So gross, srsly!
54 An den dey pee on meh, an I was liek, "Oh noes! Does not want!"

55 An frum teh litterz bawx, iz liek "Halp, Ceiling Cat! Halp!"
56 An den iz liek, "Dont sez to meh, 'Eating cheezburgerz... brb'!"
57 Yu caem ovr to meh liek, "Oh hai! Dun bee so scaerded plz. Kthx."

58 Ceiling Cat, yu upgraded my RAM. Srsly.
59 Yu seen wat dey duz to meh. DOES NOT WANT!
60 Yu seen how dey plot an skeem agaenst meh liek teh haterz.

61 Ceiling Cat, yu hurdd wat dey sez abowt meh.
62 Dey sez iz liek LOLrus wif no bukkit.
63 Dey sez dat stuf abowt meh all day. Srsly. An dey evn maek songs abowt it sumtaims.

64 Pwn dem, Ceiling Cat! Pwn dem gud! Srsly!
65 Pwn dem an maek sure dey no can has cheezburgerz evah agaen.
66 Get rly rly angree an pwn dem rite in teh fays, plz? Kthxbai.

Lamentations 3
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Jeremiah Ezekiel Lamentations 2 Lamentations 4
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