Judges 1

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Old Testament
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Judah pwnz0rrz!!!!!11!1!


1 K Joshua deded nao, srsly. Teh Izralites axed Ceiling cat, "hoos gonna fitez teh Canaanites so dey dun pwnz us?"2 Ceiling Cat sez, "gotz Judah An hiz peeps. srsly. Dey can has all der cheezburgerz."3 An cuz Judah's peeps eated cheezburgrs wit Simeon's peeps, Simeon peeps went to pwnz teh Canaanites as wel.

4 An so Judah's peeps startd pwnz0ring teh Canaanites an Ceiling Cat halpz dem wif uber pwnzing so dey had leik 10k HKs.5 Den dey reeched teh boss hoo wuz caeld Andoni-Bezek (hiz crazee cuz hiz naem is liek bezerk).6 An teh d00ds ttly pwnzd him an cut off thums n' toez GROSS!!!7 An Bezerk sed, "dis crool ironic justis, cuz iz cut of thum n toez uv slaevs An maed dem bee awl leik puppeh dawgz An likk stuffs frum da grownd." den he got deded.

8 Den Judah's peeps wen to Jeroosalem an pwnzed it. Dey maed messus and caut teh kitchenz on fier srsly.

9 and dere wer moar Canaanites (dey liek wabbits dey everwhare)dey haz bases in da hilsied An in da vallee An dey awl gotz pwnz0rd bai Judah's peeps awlso.10 Den dey taekd alot of pplz bukkits in Hebron lol.11 den dey goez to DeBeerz (et yoost tobee cawld Debir but dey tink DeBeerz is cooler)and taekd deir bukkits An deir cheezburgrs to.12 and sum d00d is liek, "yu can hav mai hacksaw if bring me hed of dat king man. Srsly."13 so dis gai Othniel doez it and got teh d00dz hacksaw. Othniel sez "tnx d00d butt Ai cud hav yoosd dis hacksaw bfore too cutz da kingz hed, srsly, it wuz rly hard too do et wifowt a hacksaw butt tnx fore et nao."

14 Ceiling Cat and teh Isralitez PWNed teh hilld00ds, but teh flatlandd00ds had karz of teh METALZ!!!1! "Oh, Noes! Tehy haz PANZERS!!!1!" sed Ceiling Cat, tehn ran awai and hid, and teh Isralites faild. LOLZ!!!1!!1!one!!15 So dey gotz sums stuffs butt dere were teh epic failz in Jeroosalem cuz dere wer stil peeps cawld Jebussits hoo stil haz bases dere.


Nawt az l337 az dey tink


16 Den teh Jooda kittehs sed kthxbai, and Mozez kittehs wer liek "hay wate for us srsly! DO NOT WANT palce wit lotsa skratchin postses!" (dey krazee WTF?!!eleven!) so dey folowded Jooda doodz to big littrbocks to liv. But Jooda peepz had cheezburgerz, so wuz ok. srsly!!17 So den Jooda goed wit Simeon to palce calld Zephath, and dey pwnt teh Canananaitz ther. So den tehy say "letz name teh town Hormah" (dey maek Spam LOL)!!18 teh peeps seded to teh d00d, "yoo can has cheezburgrz iff yoo sho uz sekrit door too sitty."19 So teh d00d shoed teh peeps teh sekrit door an Joseph's peeps pwnz0rd teh sitty.20 butt dey kepp deir promess an gav teh d00d cheezburgerz An gav hiz fambly cookies.

21 Teh peeps uv Manesseh no can has pwnzd Beth Shan, Tannach or the bases arownd dem. Dese Manesseh peeps wer nawt l337, srsly.22 Sumtiems dey wud maek Canaanites run rownd wif no bukkits, but der Canaanites wud always gets deir bukkits bak, dese Manesseh d00dz cud nawt keep der Canaanite's bukkits, FAIL!!!!11!!!

23 Teh peeps uv Ephraim no can has pwnzd Gezer (hehe funny naem). Der Gezer Canaanites liffd wiv der Ephraim peeps evan do dey no liekd each udder.

24 Teh peeps uv Zebulun no can has pwnzd the Canaanites uv Kitron an Nahalol (lol). Butt dey maeded teh Canaanites maked cheezburgrz fur dem fureva.

25 Teh peeps uv Asher no can has pwnzd Acco or Sidon, or Ahlab, or Aczib or Helbah or Aphek or Rehob, lol. Dese gais suxx0rd, srsly.

26 Teh peeps uv Naphtali no can has pwnzd Beth Shemesh or Beth Anath. Butt at leest dey maeded teh Canaanites dere slaevs wich iz betta dan de Asher peeps lolz!!11!

27 Teh peeps uv Amorite maeded teh peeps uv Dan liff in da hillz bases An der Amorite peeps liffd in da bases at der beech An wuz awl liek Malibu lol!!!1!!.28 but sumtiems der peepz uv Joseph wud cums to deir beech partayz An trash de plaice rly bad An der Amorite peeps wer awl liek "OMG wez has heeps uv cleenings upp todo, srsly!!!!!!!!11111"

Judges 1
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