Joshua 5

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Circumcision at Gilgal

1 Nao wen aw teh Amirite kings ovr der and aw teh Canaanite kings on teh beech herdz how teh Lawrd Ceiling Cat had dryzed up da Jorden befur teh Izrayelietz til hadz crosd ovr, dey harts did malted an dey no longrz hadz teh braevz to fayz teh Izrayelietz.

2 At dat tiem teh Lawrd sed to Joshuas, "Maeks flint nievz an circumciez the Izrayelietz moar." (Aparntly dey wuz doin it rong, LOL. Invisible Forskinz!)3 So Joshua maded flint nievz and circumcized teh Izrayelietz at Gibeath Haaraloth or sumtin, wurevr dat is. (Wayt, haw cum dis prt is tytld Circumcision at Gilgal if wuz dund at Gibeath Haaaaaaaaraloth?)

4 Noa dis why he didz it: All teh kittehs dat caem outz o Eegipt — all da manz of armee age — diez in teh desrt sinc leevin Eegipt.5 All teh peepuls dat camed owt hads beend circumcizd, but all da kittehs bournded in teh desrt afur leevin Eegipt no hads beend. (Oh, dat maek moar senesz nao. Still not shur abawt da Gilgal prt, tho.)6 Teh Izrayelietz hadz ben lostded in teh desrt forty years, ntil all teh doodz dat waz manz when leevin Eeipt wer dedz. Dey no did obaydz Ceiling Cat and no hadz map. Fur teh Lawrd did teld dem dat dey no can has teh landz dat he did sed him would gievz dem, a landz dat can be ful wif milkz and catnip.7 Suns can has insted! An theez wer da oenz Joshuas circumciezd.8 An aftr teh evrybdyz wuz ben circumciezd, dey staid in campz becuz circumsiez iz liek paynful - liek goen to da vetz.

9 Den teh Lawrd Ceiling Cat seded to Joshua, "Todai I has rofld awai da reproch uv Eegipt frm u, by makin u cutz yur selves. Yur welcum." So dat why place cald Gilgal even noa. (LOL, wut?)

10 On teh evning ov teh forteenz dai ov teh monf, wawl campd at Gilgal on teh playnz ov Jericho, the Izrayelietz hadz teh Passovrz.11 Teh dai aftr teh Passovrz dey ayt sum stuf frum teh landz.12 Teh mana no did cumz no moar; teh invisible can opnerz went awai, so den dey ayted Canaanian foodz.


Teh Falz ov Jericho

13 Now wen Joshua wuz by Jericho, he sawd a manz standn arond wif a soard. Joshua wentd upz to hims n axt, "Yoo iz fur us or fur notz us?"

14 "Neevr," sed teh manz, "but I comandz the armees of teh Ceiling Cat." Den Joshua felt fayzdown to teh grondz, n axt himz, "Yoo has a messaegz?"

15 Teh comandr manz sed, "No shooz!" So Joshua taekd off his shooz.

Joshua 5
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