John 8

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New Testament

1 but Jebus goed up mt oilve.2 in da mawnin, Jebus goed to churhc to edumacate the peeps.3 teh fairzeez cotched a lady havin da secks wif sum d00d she not married to an maded her stand in frunt of dem all4 an sadi "hai, Jebus, we cotched her habin teh secks wif sum d00d she not married to, an5 Moses in teh r00lz sez we sposed to kill her dead wif rox. Whutchu fink?"6 srsly, dey dont care whut Jebus sez, tho, dis is a trap to maek Jebus luk bad.

Jebus din say nuffin to dem and wroted sumfink in da durt7 dose d00dz din STFU, askin till Jebus sez, "d00ds, if yur so gud, n haz no invisivle error, u can haz rox for teh throwin."8 an Jebus pwned dos fairseez an whent bak to His writin.9 teh fairzeez sez, "hez got us der" n left, sos Jebus wuz lone wif the woman.10 Jebus luked up an sez "WTF? Where dem d00ds go? nobuddi wans rox?"11 she sez "No." An Jebus sez, "me neever. Go way an be gud kitteh."12 Jebus sez 2 peepz "i am ceiling catz. followz me an be in no dark an hav ligtz of chzbrgz"13 fairseez sez 2 Jebus "ur here finkin dat yur w00t but no d00ds sez anyfin else"14 Jebus sez bak "i is sez anyfin else coz i now were i iz comin from an were i iz goin. u haz no idea were i iz come from or where i iz goin.15 u sez fings coz they r w00t to u. i sez fings bout no d00d.16 if i do sez fings ma foughts r w00t coz ceiling catz is wiv me.17 in chzbrgr lawz iz stuf dat is sez two d00ds foughts r w00t.18 i haz ma foughts. ceiling catz agreez wiv me, the d00d who iz sends me 2 dis earf."19 Den dey say to Jebus "hai weres dis d00d ur dad den?" an Jebus sez "u dunno meh an u dunno mai dad. if u knous me u knous mai dad. srsly!"20 An dats wat him Jebus sed to teh ppl in teh tempel bai teh muneyhboxx. Nobudi c00t him bcoz it weer nut teh rait hour.21 An den him Jebus talked to ppl again an him sez "ai gous mai way. u comes an seeks me, but u die in invisible error an uz cannut come wehre ai gous, an dats it!"22 An ppl saided "OHEMGEE is he gonna keel himselvs? or whut? whudda him mean 'uz cannut come tehre'?"23 An Jebus sez dem "u r from ground floor. ai iz from ceiling. u r from earf, ai iz not.24 an dats wai u dies uv invisibel error. if u ppl dunt beleev, like srsly, dat me is Him, u gonna die in invisibel error! u got it?"25 An den ppl ask Jebus "huh? so who r u den?" an him sez "OMG dint i sayz it to u lot alredi! srsly!!!26 ai has stuff to say about u an ai sez ur many baad kittehs. But teh d00d him sent me, him iz true! me only tellin u wat him saided to me."27 but ppl dint get it him wuz talkin bout dad. st00pid ppl!28 so Jesus sez "u gonna raise kitteh of kat an den u knous me iz him. ai talk whut him mai daad teeched me.29 an him is wif mee, u cee? mai daad iz wif me an ai iz nut al0ne, an dats coz him laiks me a lot an ai doos whut him sez."30 an ppl finked k, dat sound olrait.31 an Jebus saided t dem ppl dat bleefed him, if u r kntineuing wat ai toked, yeu r teh d00dz ov ai,32 An u r noing teh reit stuffs, an the reit stuffs are maek u away ov roepz, srsly!!!

John 8
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