John 17

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New Testament


John 17

Jebus Him Praiez

1 Jebus sed all tihs an den he is lookin fur teh ceiling cat an wuz liek, “Yo, ceiling cat, tiem is heer; glaurfy meh! An tehn ai glaurfy yu. But aftr yu glaurfys meh tho. 2 Sinz yuz gaev meh authorty abuv all teh kittehs, to gievs no ending lief to alls teh kittehs yu gievs meh. 3 An no ending lief is tihs, taht dey noes yu, teh wun true ceiling cat, and jebus, dey noes meh too, cuz yu sent meh. 4 Ai glaurified yu on teh urf cuz iz be doen wiht teh werk yu saiz ai gots to do. 5 But now, daddy, glaurfy meh in yur presents wif teh glaury ai has had in yur presents befour teh urf be arownd, in yur presents. 6 Iz alredy maed yur naem so teh kittehs yu gievs to meh noes it. Dey wuz yurs, an den yu wuz liek, “yu haev dem,” so ai taek dem an dey mien. Oh, an deyz got yur back.

Jebus Him Disipulz Praiez

7 Dey noe all teh things yuz gaev meh was gieven to meh bai yu. 8 cuz teh werds yu gievs to meh, ai has sed dey can has too. No worries, cuz dey has taeken dem from meh, an dey noes taht teh werds be coming from yu. Srsly, dey believ yu has sent meh. 9 Ai askn fur tehm, an nots fur teh whol urf. But fur teh oenz yu gievs to meh, cuz dey aer realy yurz. 10 Wahtz be mien is yurz too, an yurz tihngs be mien too. An iz been glaurfied in tehm. 11 An now, ai no is in teh werld, but mai kittehs aer, an iz soon be wiht yu in teh ceiling. Whoel daddy, protect dem wiht yur naem, taht be teh naem yu gievn meh, an tehn deyz can be togetehr , liek weez is alwys togetehr. 12 Wehn ai wuz wiht dem, iz maek dem saef wif yur naem, taht be teh naem yu gievn meh. Ai wuz all liek, “Iz yur guard,” an noen of dem be disapeering, cept teh wun weez be alwys noeing woold disapeer. He be disapeering so scripsher be dun. 13 But now iz coming to say hiz to yu, an ai sez all tehse tihns so mai kittehs can has mai hapyness maek dem whoel in demselvs. 14 Ai has gieven dem yur werd, an evrybody be haeting tehm, cuz dey liek extra puzzel peaces, just liek ai is an extra puzzel peace. We dosnt fit rite. 15 Ai no askng yu to smiet dem all an taek dem away, jus protect dem frum teh evil wun. 16 Dey liek extra puzzel peaces, just liek ai is an extra puzzel peace. 17 Maek mai kittehs compleet wiht teh truf, in yur werd, which is waht teh truf is. 18 Jus liek yu has sent meh into teh werld, ai has sent dem into teh werld. 19 Fur dere benfit, iz sanktfying maiself, tehn deys can be sanktfyed wiht teh truf. srsly.

Jebus All Him Kittehs Praiez Srsly

20 “Ai not askng jus fur deez, but all teh kittehs taht believ in meh thru daer werd, 21 taht dey all is wun. Liek yu, daddy, is in meh, an iz in you, dey can be in us too? Cuz den teh werld could noe taht yu sent meh. 22 Teh glaury taht yu wuz liek, “take tihs,” wiht, ai was liek, “taek tihs,” wiht too. Now dey has teh glaury too. But tihs a good tihng, cuz now dey be wun, liek wez wun. 23 Iz in dem, and yuz in meh, so tehy be compleet, wiht no missing peaces. Tehn teh werld noes yu sent meh, an taht yu luvz tehm, jus liek yu luvz meh. 24 Daddy, ai want should dose taht you sed ai culd haev, can coem wiht meh. Wehre ai is, dey be too, to look at mai glaury. Tahts teh glaury yu giev meh befoer teh urf was foundationed. 25 Mihgty daddy, teh werld not noe yu, but it be k, cuz ai noes yu. An mai kittehs noes yu sent meh too. 26 Ai has maed yur naem so dey noe it, an ai maek it noed soem moer latrz, cuz tehn teh luv yu has fur meh can be in dem. An ai wants to be in dem too. Srsly.

John 17
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