John 16

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1 i tells u guyz dis so you doant fawl off yer tv's, okai.2 teh bad kittehs might kick u out of teh comfy chair, rly soon if somebody pwns u, he think he makez cheezburger for teh Ceiling Cat. srsly.3 the bad peeps do this stuff bc they doant no me or mai dads.4 i wanna tell all u guise dis bc i want u to remember that i warnz u. i not tellz u this soonest cuz i was hangin round u.5 nd teh ceiling cat can has cheezburger, cos Sanjeet rulz, kthxbai!!11!!!1!!!111.

teh workz of teh HovrCat

5 i iz leaving nao, why dont you guys ask "Whaer u goin?"6 cuz i said all dis stuff, u wanna cryz.7 but srsly, iz good for u guys that i go, srsly. if i no leaves, teh HovrCat wont come and you alls be sad, but if i goes, i send him ur wayz, kai.8 when teh HovrCat comez, he wantz to convict teh urfs bout ur invisible errorz, what ur thinks riteness, an teh judgement.9 bout ur invisible errorz, cuz noone beliefs me.10 bout ur thinks riteness, cuz im going to teh ceiling where u cant sees me (LOL).11 and also bout teh judgment cuz teh devvil of dese urfs iz condemned nao.

12 i haz lots to say, lotz moar than u can hear rite nao.13 but teh HovrCat iz coming, an he iz going to show u all troofs. he only speakz what he heerz frum ceiling cat, and mite even tell u teh futurez!!14 he bringz teh glory to me cuz he takez my stuffz and showz it to u.15 all teh stuffz teh Ceiling Cat haz iz mine and dat iz why i said teh HovrCat iz going to take my stuffz to show u.

16 in a little bit u no seez me cuz i be INVISIBLE JEBUS!!!LOL! but den u seez me again laters, kthx.

u can haz joy nao, kai?

17 so den teh disipulz where confoozled an sais "WUT DOES HE MEEN?! WE NO CAN HAS JEBUS NO MOAR? An den laters wee can, and 'cuz I go to see ceiling cat some'??18 WUT DOEZ HE MEAN BAI DIS? EXPLN PLZ KTHX."19 Jebus sees dat deyr awl liek WTF??? so he saided "so uz noe unnerstan whut ai meen 'u no seez me, but den u seez me laters'?20 well k, srsly, uz wil be all liek OH NOES!!!1! but teh worled wil be hip hip hooray. an uz wil be sad, boohoo, but den u wil be happee agen.21 u see, itz laik laydykat havin bebekittehs: furst itz awl like ow ow halp it hertz! but den, wen dem bebekittehs r bawn, she no dink abaut teh pein, but her dinks 'mai kittehs! good kittehs! prettieh kittehs!'22 So, dats y yuz is sad, but iz sees u laters! den yuz is happee liek kittehs wif lotslots cheezburgers dat u can has forevur!

23 so den in teh futurz, uz woent hav ta be asking meh to can have cheezburgers. SRSLY GUEYS! if uz say to ceiling cat 'i can haz cheezburger coz i friendz wit happy cat?' he sais you can haz, srsly.24 all dose tiems befoer uz not been asking becaues weer frends; but now uz can and uz gona bees so happeh.25 I ben sayin dees things in riddels liek a wise kat but sooner i can tell uz bout ceiling cat so uz can udderstands me right.26 Den you can say 'i can haz cuz ai friens wit happy kat'. wait, see ai not gonna say i can haz for u,27 cuz teh ceiling cat luvs uz sooow muech cuz uz luvs meh and uz belieev iz ceiling cats kittehs.28 no srsly, iz ceiling cats kitteh an i caem to teh urfs, but now iz gonna goes back cuz to see ceiling cat soem moar, kthxbai.

29 Den happy catz frends dey sai "finnaly happy cat can has conversayshun liek normal cats an not liek him usuwal riddel kat self, srsly.30 now we noes uz noes alot and we dont can need to ask you wai all teh times. and so now we noes ur dad is ceiling cat."

31 Happy cat asks, "you can noes now? SRSLY??"32 well sooneer, no srsly, soonest, ur all gona run for it under teh diferent beds and hied and iz be in livin room by myslef. But iz not being by myslef cuz ceiling cat lieks to hang out with meh.33 an so dats why iz telling yuz bout it so yuz wont be so scaerd about meh den an yuz wont be scaerd about yer tails either. in dis houes witout ceiling kat yuz still gonna be has trubbel. but doent cryz an keep ur tails up cuz imma strongest of all teh kittehs aroun heerz! LOLZ, srsly, kthkxbai.

John 16
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