From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
Jesus give kittehs cheezburgerz
1 “No gots to wori, k? Yu trusts Ceiling Cat, trust also meh.2 Ceiling Cat’s housez got many sofehz, Kitteh wud no lie! I go to fix yu sofeh, k?3 I wants to have partee wif yu.4 I do go catwalk; yu knowz catwalk too.”5 Thomcat sez, ‘We not knoe wher yu walkses, how we do knoe teh catwalk?”6 Jebus saiz, “oh hai. I iz teh whey n twuf n teh laif. no wun can has walkin da catwalk wif Ceiling Cat wifout me. srsly.”7 “If yu knowz Me, yu knowz Ceiling Cat. Yu seen me, yu seen Ceiling Cat.”8 Philippus sed, “Yu showez us Ceiling Cat, den we bez happycatz.”9 Jebus saiz, “Scuse me? Yu iz not knowin me? Yu seez me, yu seez Ceiling Cat. Wai yu not getz it?10 I iz curld up insaid Ceiling Cat an Ceiling Cat is curld up insaid meh. Ceiling Cat iz talkin and workin when I iz talkin and workin.11 Doent ual c mirakllz? If yu canneh bleiv mah wordz yu can still bliev mirakllz.12 Kitteh wud no lie! An gess wat. I haz rly gud deel fr yuz. Yuz can do same stuff Iz doin wit powr ov Ceiling Cat. BTW, yuz can do evn bettr stuf coz I goin brb to Ceiling Cat.13 Wen I goez bak to Ceiling Cat, yu say "In Jebus' name" an I do all stufs fr yu! Den Ceiling Cat getz all praise from all kittehs!14 Aks me nefin! Den I doez it. I doez it fr yu.”
Teechin bout Hovercat
15 “Yu luvs me, yu doez mai rulez.16 Den I aks Ceiling Cat, an him snd hlpr to liv wif yu – Hovercat, wot Urfs can’t see.17 But yu knowez him, an him bez curld up insaid yu, but not becum nu baybeh kitteh. srsly.18 I will no leev kittens, I come fr yu.19 Soon I bez invisible to dem others, but yuz can see me, coz I be livn an yuz be livn.20 Uz noez den taht I bez curld up in Ceiling Cat and yuz be curld up in me and I bez curld up in yuz.21 Kittehs wot doez by mai rulez iz bein luvs me. Den Ceiling Cat luvs yu an I luvs yu and you will see me.”22 “Lord,” Judas (not dat evl traitr, srsly) sez “Oh hai... Wots dis!! yu iz bein reveeln yurself to ony us n not to evry kitteh? WAI????”23 Jebus saiz, “If ne kitteh luvs me, he doez mai rulez, den Ceiling Cat luvs him and we coem movn in wif yu and stufs.24 Teh kitteh who no luv Jebus no doez dem rulez. Btw I no maek dis mesij, dis mesij iz bein frm Ceiling Cat, who sented me.”25 “I sain dez tings wiz me bein heer.26 But Hovercat, wot Ceiling Cat bein sendn, will be teechin yuz evrytink, den yuz knowez evrytink I been sayn aftr yuz frgetzez.”27 “Peece I leev wif yu, I givs it to yu, haf fun! kthx. Don’t be fraidycats nor scaredeycats.28 You heerz me sez liek ‘I bez goin to see Ceiling Cat but brb’. If yu luvded me, den yu bez liek ‘w00t!’ and stufs coz Ceiling Cat bez teh pwnz0r.29 I haf told yuz dez tings nao befr stuf hapns, so wen dey hapn yuz be liek, “WAI!!! HEZ BE DOIN MIRAKLZ. HE BE DOIN PROFFEY... PROFFEH... sayn fewchr stufs. OMGZ!! We beleevs!”30 I not bein speekn no morez for Basement Cat be comin. He no pwns me,31 but I be doin wot Ceiling Cat sez, so yuz all no I luvs Ceiling Cat. Coem, lets go walkeyz. kthx."
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