From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
teh sheep d00d an shepz
1 Jebus say "k gais i is for srs, if u is in shepfold and u no goes thru dor, u is r0bbr.2 but if u can goez in thru shepfold door, u is teh shepperd.3 cuz that means shepfold dorman seez u and all ur sheepz hearz u. cuz u give shepz names and takez them from shepfold4 and so the shepz hearz name and folowz cuz teh man iz teh shepperd gai.5 but if man no iz shepperd gai, sheepz no folow cos is no shepperd gai and no sowndz like teh shepperd guy so shepz are all like: wtf run awai! is no shepperd gai!"6 Jebus sed all dis, but teh gaiz wer liek "WAT?! Wat u talkin bout sheepz 4? We is has NO KLU wat u meanz!!"
7 Jebus sez agn "k, lsn srsly gais, i iz shep door.8 Erleer peepz was r0bberz, n sheepz was like: i no lisn 2 u!9 I iz door. (I iz opn door, so u no need 2 compln, k?) U goes thru me, u iz ok, n u go in n u com out n u getz nice gras n noms.10 R0bberz d00dz steelz ur stuff n iz kilz u ded!! I iz here so u can has lots of lif, an it can has abunden... ubund... lotza gudniss.
11 "i iz gud shepperd. gud sheprd wud diez for teh shep.12 teh wrkr, who iz not sheprd n no ownz teh shep, sees teh wulf n is all liek "O NOES! OMG a wulf! DO NOT WANT!!! run awai!!" n wulf can has his shep n eated them too, n teh rest runz awai.13 becos wrkr iz liek "iz not mai sheep", he runz awai.
14 "I iz gud sheprd. i noes mine n dey noes me -15 liek Ceiling Cat noes me n i noes him - n i wud diez for teh shep.16 i gotz othr shepz in othr shepfold. i go getz them 2, n they will b liek, "o hai, i kno ur vois", n all teh shepz wil b togethr n i wil b teh 1 sheprd.17 teh Ceiling Cat luvs me coz i wud diez... nly to RESPON!!18 no d00dz pwns me, i dos it maislf. i has teh powr 2 do it n i has teh powr to respon agn. teh Ceiling Cat sed so. SRSLY!"
19 Teh Jewish catz waz confyuzd bai this.20 sum waz like, "OMG dats a deemun rite der!! wai u lisn 2 crazi deemun gai!?!?"21 n othrz waz like, "no st00pid!! he no can be deemun!! deemunz no can mak blind gais see, rite!?"
teh unbeleif of teh jewz
22 THeRe wuz a parteh in teh big city Juhrusailm, an evryone wuz NOM NOM NOM! It was cold krissmussy time.23 Jebus wuz wlking in Solomuns Colo... Calon... he took a walk in teh tempel.24 Teh jooz wah liek, "OMG JEBUS STOP TEEZIN US!!! If U teh messiah kitty jus SAIZ SO!!!"25 Jebus iz all liek "I alrdy tellz you dat!! I duz amzing stufs w/ teh Ceiling Cat so u noes!!26 But you no heerz, cause you no iz mai shep!27 Mai shepz heerz me; i knoz dem, and they comez wit me28 Cause of me, they no haz death; and noonez can taekz them! I holdz onto teh shepz RLY TITE!!29 Ceiling Cat gavez them to mez, and he pwnz you all!! No one can takez them from Ceiling Cat. NOT WUNCE!!30 Me and Ceiling Cat are teh same!! SRSLY!"
33 Then teh jewz wuz liek "You iz full of FAIL! We iznt stoninz you for thoze! Wez stoninz you for saying you iz teh same as Ceiling Cat. Ceiling Cat iz full of win and way moar pwnsome than you!!"
34 Jebus sayz 2 them, "Okai you gaiz lstn. 'I have said u b teh gods?' iz in yor lawz, ruinin yor accusashuns.35 If he called them 'gods' to teh gaiz teh word of God came - and teh Scripture no can fail -36 TEHN SRSLY!!! YOR SAYIN EVN CEILING CATS BEBBEH THAT HE SENTED TO TEH URF NO CAN BE GOD, EVN THO THOZE GAIZ ARE?!?! LOL Why r u accuin' me of blasphumeh cuz I sayz, 'I b Ceiling Cat's Son'?!37 If I duzn't do teh things Ceiling Cat duz, tehn ya, dont beleev me not wunce!38 Buts if I does it, even tho u dont beleev me, dont frget all teh awsum things ah did! dat wai, u no for srs dat teh Father is in me, and dat I am in teh Father!"39 Again they tried to pwn him, but he escaped and was like, "OK, bai!"
40 Then Jebus went bak cross teh Jordan to teh place were John had been baptizing in teh good ol daze. Here he stayed41 and many peeples came 2 him an they were like, "OMG! John never did teh miracles, buts everything John said 'bout Jesus was true!"42 And in dat place many beleeved in Jebus.
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