John 1

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New Testament


Teh Cat Macro Becamded Flesh

1 In teh beginz is teh cat macro, and teh cat macro sez "Oh hai Ceiling Cat" and teh cat macro iz teh Ceiling Cat.2 Teh cat macro an teh Ceiling Cat iz teh bests frenz in teh begins.

3 Him maeks alls teh cookies; no cookies iz maed wifout him.4 Him haz teh liefs, an becuz ov teh liefs teh doodz sez "Oh hay lite."5 Teh lite iz pwns teh darks, but teh darks iz liek "Wtf."

6 And teh Ceiling Cat haz dis otehr man; his naem iz John.7 He tellz teh ppl dat teh lites is tehre, so dat teh doodz sez "OMG." or mai b taht shud b "OMCC."8 Him wuz not teh lite; he jsut sez teh lites is tehre.9 Teh tru lite--iz lotz of lite--iz comes, k?

10 He iz liek, "Oh hai, I mades u," but teh wurld duznt sees him.11 He iz comes to his stuffs, but his stuffs sez "Do not want!"12 And sum guyz did want, and sez "Teh Ceiling Cat pwns," and deez guyz iz liek his kidz—13 But not liek reel kidz, k? Iz liek teh Ceiling Cats kidz.

I can has messiah???

14 Teh cat macro is becomes Visible Man (omg) and he is lives wif us. We is sees teh glorie taht is frum teh one n only; him come from teh dad wif teh grace and teh truth.

15 John is liek "Oh hai" becuz uf him. He sez "OMG tihs guy iz teh one taht is comes after me him iz bettr becuz him comes frst, k?"16 Becuz is a lotz of grayce we can has cheezburgers.17 Moses is liek "Hay I has teh lawz"; Jebus is has teh grayce and teh trooth.18 Ceiling Cat is Invisible, but teh one n only (him is wif Ceiling Cat) is liek "Hay look."

John teh Baptist Sez "I Iz Not teh Chozen Won!! No Wai!!11!!!1!!1!!

19 Jerusalem Sent Levites and Pretchers to John and sez "OMG! Who r u?"20 John says "Me no lyer, not teh Chozen1 , Ceiling Cats kitteh"

21 They asked him, "Who R u? R u Elikhat?"
  He said, "Omg no!"
  "R u teh Profitz?"
  He sez, "WTF? Omg, No!"

22 Tehn they wuz, "LOL, so hoo ar you?"

23 John got all liek profitz Isaiah LOL srsly, "O hai am liek gai talks in desert, 'Strayten up for Ceiling Cat but DO NOT USE vacuum!!!!1!' "

24 Pharisees sez,25 "Oh hai wai you washt ppl if no Chozen1 or profit? NO LIKE WET FURZ!!1!"

26 John sez "Ai washt wit water (WTF???). But don no this won manz.27 Him folowz me. Ai no allowd to play wit hes shooz"

28 Wuz at Bethany.

Ceiling Catz Shepe Jebus

29 Next dai John seed Jebus. Sez "O hai Ceiling Catz shepe. Him fix invisibul error!!!1!30 Tihs gai ai sed folowz me.31 Ai washt peepz wit water (WTF??!1! Srsly) so Israel ppl no him."

32 John sez "Invisible Cat caem an stuck to him.33 Invisibul Cat proovs34 I seed an I no him is Ceiling Catz Kitteh!!!1!"

Jebus Noo Posse

35 Next dai John seed Jebus.36 Sez "O hai Ceiling Catz shepe" (agin lol)37 Hiz ppl heerd him. Tehy stalk Jebus.38 Jebus seed tehm sed "Oh hai, sup?" They sed "Oh hay Teachr, ware ur place?"

39 Him sai ovr heer. So they chillt wit him an eated cheezburgrz.

40 Andrew was 1 those gais.41 Andrew telled his brother Simon "Oh hai we found teh Messiah. He was behind teh sofa."42 They went to saw Jebus an he sed "Yu Simon. I cal yu Cephas LOL."

Jebus sez Oh Hai Philip an Nathanael

43 Jebus wan go Galilee. Sez to Philip Yu coem too.44 Philip was from Bethsaida tu.45 Philip tolded Nathanael "Oh hai we found the gai Moses an profitz were sayin, iz Jebus frm Nazareth."46 Nathanael sez "Nazareth! nutting good from there!" ROFL PWNED!!!1!!1

47 Jebus seed Nathanael sez "Oh hai you good kitteh. GOOD KITTEH!"48 Nathanael wuz "You no me? WTF??!?"49 Jebus sed "I seed you."

49 So Nathanael sayed "You teechr is good kitteh. Ceiling Catz kitteh. Bosscat."

50 Jebus sez "ROFL! you sawed nuthin yet.51 Just waet, I gotz teh MAD PWNZOR SKEELZ!!!1!!1"

John 1
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