Job 9

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Old Testament
Job Complanes Sum Moar

1 Den Job says:
2 I no all dat, but how kin a kitteh be inocint in Ceiling Cat's eyz?
3 If u taekd Ceiling Cat to cort, wuld Judj Wapner let u win efen once in a gazillyon tymes?
4 Cuz Ceiling Cat haz teh smartz and teh p0wr; who kin fite him an win?

5 He pounc on teh mountin an kik it ovar, sayin "Bad mountin!"
6 He maek an erf kwake an shaek u outta bed.
7 He poin at teh sun an say "Dont u shyn tudai, sun!" an it no shyn. Starz hyd to.

8 Only he kin peek anywerz thru teh ceiling an walk on teh bafwahter;
9 He maeded all teh glo-in-teh-dark starz an efen teh planits an moon stuck to ur wall;
10 He do amazin tings, leik levitashun an telikineeses.

11 But wen he peekin down from teh ceiling, I not see him. If he bump into me at teh mall, I not notis.
12 An if he killz ur d00ds in ur fort, who kin stop him? Who wuld efen aks him "WTF?"
13 An Ceiling Cat nevir stay his paw. He efen stomp on teh lolruses.
14 So wut kin I say to him?
15 Efen if I rite, I feelz rong. I kud onlee say "HALP!"

16 An efen if I talkd to him, I dont tink he wuld lissen.
17 Cuz he shootin me wif his laz0rz (pew, pew, pew!) an castin his majick missiles at me.
18 He no let me breave, maekin me all emo.
19 Sumo an karotee wuld not werk on him. Jony Cokrin kud not argyu wif him.
20 Efen my own mouf mite ly about me, st00pid mouf!
21 I ar inocint, but it maek no differints -- I hatez my lyf.

22 Iz all teh same to Ceiling Cat. Dats why I says he pwne bof teh gud an nawty.
23 If lawts of kittehs dye sudenly, Ceiling Cat will ROLF at testin dere innosents.
24 Wen da landz iz pwn bai teh pawz ov da wikkid, den he iz blindfoldinz da judgiz. If not him, den hu iz it?

25 Ma dayz iz fastuh tahn Soopamanz, tehy is flyz away wiv no lulz.
26 Dey iz skim past liek paper boatz (but taht is dum idea coz waterz iz maekin paperz soggy), an iz liek eaglez wut pwnz stuff.
27 If i iz sayin i wil be forgettin mah complaynt an smilin an cyoot,
28 DO NOT WANT ma suffringz, coz uz r still holdin me gilty

29 Coz i iz alreddy gilty, iz dum to be strugglin
30 Even if i iz washin with teh soaps (DO NOT WANT soaps tho) and washin mah pawz wiv sum soda,
31 u iz pushin me into teh slimez pitz and make mah clothez say DO NOT WANT to me

32 He iz not a kitteh liek me tht i can haev answer tiem now, but we iz havin to go to courtz an complane.
33 We iz needin sum kitteh to b in our argument, sortin out our fightz, to be touchin us both (but in niec wai)
34 Sum kitteh to taek Ceiling Cat's rod away, coz DO NOT WANT, and then i iz not frighted.
35 Den i wuld b speekin wiv no feer of him, but he iz mean, an i iz frighted.

Job 9
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