Job 5

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Old Testament
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Ceiling Cat makez no senz

1 Sayz hai! Whoz sayz hai; an what kitteh wud u sayz hai to?

2 Angerz takes urs bukkits, and jealusie kil ur kitteh.

3 I seen the stoopid kittehs growin, but Iz dun like ur houses!

4 His littel kittehs are in danegurs! Theyz be smushed an there bez no cheezburger dehlivereys! Srsly!

5 The stahrvin kittehs eated up my cheezburgers, an the bad kittehs eated up the starhvin kittehs.

6 Trubbles no comes from da duhst, an trubbles don comes from da groundz.

7 Kittehs is born in da trubbles, kthnx bai!

8 I wud speax to Ceiling Cat, n I wud gives my cheezburgers to Ceiling Cat.

9 Ceiling Cat doz fabulus tings, so manyz fabulus cheezburgers!

10 Ceiling Cat givez kitteh teh rainz. Kittehs no like rainz! Grr!

11 Kittehs that arez emo, Ceiling Cat makes dem happiez.

12 Ceiling Cat makez da nawhty kittehs emo, so deir pawz don get into trubbles no more.

13 He makes nawhty kittehs so stupid, haha!

14 Nawhty kittehs seez only teh dahrk in da dayz, an doez nawhty thingz at da nightz. But it be lightz. So cunfoosing! WUT GOIN ON???

15 Teh Ceiling Cat savez pohr kittehs from beinz ded.

16 Pohr kittehs haz da hopes thnx to teh Ceiling Cat.

17 Hai, happi kittehs likez teh Ceiling Cat, an the happi kittehs follo Ceiling Cat. Theyz like havin their nozez pooshed in deir pooz by teh Ceiling Cat. Iz gud.

18 Ceiling Cat fixez kittehs paws. Happi kitteh!

19 Kitteh onli get sixz get outta jailz free kahrds, tho. Ceiling Cat haz his limitz.

20 Wehn u has no cheezburgers, Ceiling Cat keeps u frum bein ded. n durin kitteh fites, Ceiling Cat savez u.

21 Ceiling Cat no likez wehn u lickz urself. Bad kittehs!

22 No laff wehn u has no cheezburgers. N don be scerd of da dogz. They don get no Dogerdays. Ha!1!

23 Ceiling Cat makez u safe wit teh dogz. Ya right...

24 U be safe kitteh, n ur litterz boks will save u from teh sinz.

25 Wehn u has teh sehks, u have lotz o babeh kittehs, thnx to Ceiling Cat. Ceiling Cat in ur tessicels, maekin ur spermz l33t.

26 Kitteh won be ded as kitteh. No ded til kitteh is teh old n ugliez. Kitteh wantz to be teh dedz wehn he ugliez!

27 Kitteh haz googlez it, so kitteh knowz it. So tehre. kthnx, bai!

Job 5
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