Job 34

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Old Testament

1 Den he sais:2 lisen mai meow, u is smarts cats, listen me wurds, u hu no lots.3 Teh eer judge meow as tung judge katnip.4 We kitteis says wut be rite and learn as kitteis wat r gud.

5 Now he sais 'I is not doin it and Ceiling Cat is no fair fur me.6 He r call me lies. He is sprai me wit da wata but i r not stealing da cookies.'7 orly?? No udder kittie be like he; he is splashd fur no resun an i dus no complane.8 He r nap wit cats in da basement.9 Cuz he sai no use tu pls da Ceiling Cat.

10 Uz lisen tu me! Dose who noes Ceiling Cat r gud. He r no du teh evils!11 Teh Ceiling Cat is givin wat the floor kitties deserves.12 Teh reel Ceiling Cat is not eva be doin teh wrongs!13 Ceiling Cat wuz not choosed to rul ova de Urfs.14 If he r decidin to take awai de catnips and da naps,15 Den every cat wud run together back to de dust of de Urfs. Srsly!

16 If u eers wurked, den uz will lisen to me17 Can an evil kittie be da ruler? Hows can uz blamin da powerful Ceiling Cat?!18 Ceiling Cat be saying to da kitties dat the king r weak an wurthless.19 He r not nicer to da black cat than tha wite cat or de red cats cuz he is makin all dem wit his paws.20 Teh kitties can be da roadkill in da nite cuz dai not gettin helpz.

21 Ceiling Cat watches de every paw be movin.22 Der not being a dark tu dark or too wets for da Ceiling Cat to not c teh evils.23 He is not chooses the time teh kitties be run ova by de carz.24 No usin questions, teh Ceiling Cat is scarin away da strong kitties go crie in teh corners.25 Cuz Ceiling Cat be watchin, he r knoin wat is doin and he is killin da kitties at nites.26 He b sprai evil cats wit da water so all teh kitties be watchin.27 Cuz dey not be followin da Ceiling Cat and His wais.28 Ceiling Cat heers da poor kitties crie an he answars fur dem.29 If da Ceiling Cat not b talkin he is not be blamed. If He not b talkin to teh floor kitties he still b rulin over teh Urf.30 He r keepin teh powers awai frum de evil kitties.

31 Maibe teh kittie come to Ceiling Cat an be liek, 'i didz it but i is no evil32 An i is wanting to not b stealin da cheezburgars no mores.'33 So shud Ceiling Cat be givin uz teh rewards if u r not changin?34 If u iz listenin to wat i be sayin den u will be sayin,35 'He r speakin without knoin!36 I wish he wud be test completed cuz he r evil basement kittie!37 He r now bein more evils by turnin and running from de Ceiling Cat! He r lick paws in teh protest against teh almight Ceiling Cat!'

Job 34
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