From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
1. Den Job answered, and sayd: 2. Here, I be beeseechin youz, mai werds, and do penances pls. 3. Suffer meh, nd I will spekz, nd aftur, if j00 pls, lol at mai werds. 4. Iz mai deb8 agenst teh man, dat I shuld not haf just reesins to be trubled? 5. Hearkens to meh nd be ast00nished (srsly b astonished!) and lay y0ur kitteh claws on teh kitteh mouths. 6. As fur meh, when I rememberz, I be afraid pls, nd tremplin nd stuffs take teh hold on mai skinz (no not rly cus u take teh hold on meh skins i srsly make j00 ded). 7. Whai den do teh whicked lives, ar dey advanced, nd strenfened wif richez? (laik gud kat nipz riches?) 8. Der seed be continuing bef0r dem, a multitudes of kinsmens, nd of teh childrenz children in der site (www.? pls?) 9. They housez r secure plz and pieceable too, liak pieces of cheezeburgers, and teh rod of Cieling Cat be not upon dem yet. 10. Their moocows haf conseeved, nd phailed not: their moocows haf calved, nd is not deprived ov her frooties liak dem wunz dat eve NOM NOM NOM'd dat she wusnt posed to. 11. Their itteh bitteh kittehs go out liak da flocks of burdiez, and der childrenz danse and play lots. 12. Dey taek teh timbrel, nd teh harpz, nd rej0ise at teh sound of teh organ. but not teh organs in creepie crawlies bodiez liak teh organ h00mans plays wif der phingers. 13. Dey spentz der dais in teh wealth, nd in a minut dey go down to hellz wif da basement cat. 14. Wh00 had sed to Cieling Cat: Departz frum us, weh dezire not teh know-howz of thy wayz. 15. Who is teh Almighteh, dat we shood serf him? nd whut it profitz if we prey to himz? 16. Yetz becuz der gud fings r not in der paws, may teh consil of teh wickedz be far frum meh. 17. Hao oftin shal teh lamp of teh wickid be put outz, nd a dehl00ge come upons tehm, nd he shal distribuute sorroz of hiz wraf? 18. Dey shal be as chaf bef0r teh face of teh windz0rs, nd as ashies wich teh wirliewindz be scatterin. 19. Cieling Cat shal lay up teh sorro of teh fatherz for hiz itteh bitteh kittehs: nd wen he shal repayz, den shal he be knowin dis. 20. Hiz Iballz shal be seein hiz ow destrukshun, nd he shal be drinken ov teh wraf of teh Almitie. 21. Fer wut is it to himz wut b fallin hiz littr box aftur himz: nd if teh number of hiz months be diminushed bai wun haf? 22 Shall any one teach God knowledge, who judgeth those that are high? Shal n e wun teech Cieling Cat knowlege, who judgin thos that r high? (not rly high liak teh katnipz jus high up in teh sky u know?) 23. Wun man made ded strong, nd hale, rich and happies. 24. Hiz bowelz r full of teh fat (liak srsly? ew) nd his bonez r made a lil wet wif marrow. 25. But another be made ded in teh bitterness ov soul wifout any richez or katnipz: 26. Nd yet dey shal sleepz togever in teh dusties, and wormies shal cuver dem (liak rly? wormies? iz gross). 27. Shurly I no ur thoughtz, nd ur unjust judgmentz agenst meh. 28. Fer you says: Where is teh house of teh prinse? nd wher r teh dwelling place of teh wiked? 29. U ask n e wun of dem dat go bai teh way, nd u shal be percievin dat he no dese same fings. 30. Bcuz teh wiken mans id rezerved to teh dai of destrukshun, nd he shal b brawt to teh day of wraf. 31. Who shal repr00v hiz wai to hiz fase? nd who shal reepay himz wut he haf dun? 32. He shal be brawt to teh gavies, nd shal watch in teh heep of teh ded. 33. He haf ben akseptable to teh gravelz of Cocytus, nd he shal draw evary manz aftur himz, nd der r innumurable bef0r himz. 34. Hao den do u comfert meh in vain, whereaz ur anserz iz showed to b rehpungent to troof.
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