Job 11

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Old Testament

Zophar Flaps His Gums

1 So ansurd Zophar, and sayed2 Srsly, whooz gonna ansur de wurdz? Shud a cat fulla mews bes juztifyed?3 Shud ur liez maek cat howld dere pees? and when you mohk, shall no cat maek you ashaymed?4 Fur you haev sayed, me doktrin iz puer, and I aym cleen in ur eyz.5 But oh that Ceiling Cat would speek, and owpen his paws agains you.6 And that him wud show you deez sekrets ofs wizdum, thayt they aer dubble to thayt whichz iz! Know theerfor that Ceiling Cat givs you less than you desserve! Srsly!

7 Can you by sniffing fynd dez cheezburger? Can you has purfect cheezburger?8 Ceiling Cat iz up moar high dan da space station. N00b, u no can go dere! Dey are deeper dan da pet semitary, u not wanna go dere, srsly!9 He can go farther dan energizer bunny, and swim moar dan Shamu!10 Ceiling Cat just might lock you up, sucka! Den what u do?11 He knows which kittehs are naughty no-no. He's got u on hidden camera.12 A dummy can't become smart all of a sudden. Dat's like a dunkey gettin borneded all tame.

13 You gotta give all yer heart to Him, hold yer paws out fer HALP!14 Get rid off da naughty no-nos yer thinkin, get da bad stuff offa da couch.15 Den u can grin up without feelin bad, and stand up without gettin swatted.16 Den u gonna ferget da bad stuff, like bath waddah goin down da tub.17 Yer life will be like layin in da sun beam, and da dark stuff like morning.18 You will feel safe cuz dere is hope, you will take a nap without doggies.19 You will curl up and no one will make a loud BANG! Lotsa peeps will wanna pet you.20 But naughty kittehs won't see da way to run from dobermanz, dey will just get eated. Srsly.

Job 11
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