Job 1

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Old Testament


1 In teh land of Uz wuz a man calded Job. Teh man wuz goodz, wif respeck fur teh Ceiling Cat and hated evilz.2 Teh man hadz seven sunz and tree doters,3 And lots of mices and camlez and rinoceruseses and servnts and stuff. srsly.4 His sunz tok turns mading cookies, and they all eated them.5 And Job wuz liek "Oh noes! Wut if cookies were sin? Gotta pray, just in cases."

Furst Tess

6 Teh ayngles wented to seez Ceiling Cat, and Basement Cat wented two.7 Ceiling Cat axt Basement Cat, "Wher wuz u?" Basement Cat saied "Oh, hai. I'z wuz in ur urfs, wawking up and down uponz it."8 Teh Ceiling Cat sez "Has u seen mai servnt Job? He can has cheezburger cuz he laiks me."

Teh Basement Cat wantz Job's soul.

9 "No wai!" sed Basement Cat.10 "U just plyin favrits.11 If u take his cheezburgers, oar his bukkit, he no laiks u no moar."

12 Then teh Ceiling Cat sez "Okai, u can take his bukkit, but no givin Job owies." And then Basement Cat went awai.

13 Wun day Jobes' sunz and doters were eateding cookies at teh oldest wuns hoose,14 And a mans cam to told Job a mesege. "Ur donkzeys and moo cows was eateding tasteh grass15 And then PKers were in ur hous killin your dudez and ur naminals got stoldz and only i got wai."

16 And then anotter mans cam to told Job a diffrant mesege. He sed "Teh Ceiling Cat maids fyr fall from teh skys and it burnded up ur sheepz and moar servnts and only i got awai."

17 And thens a moar diffranter mans cam to told Job a mesege. "Sum angry dudez took ur rinoceroseseses and killd moar servnts and only i got wai."

18 And then 1 moar mans cam to told Job a mesege.19 "Ur sunz howse feld over and skwishded evryones. Sry."

20 Then Job got upt and shaved and was liek "Gota prey now."

21 "Ceiling Cat sez I can has cheezburger, Ceiling Cat sez I no can has cheezburger. +1 to Ceiling Cat!"

22 Job preyed to Ceiling Cat and didnt afraid of anyone. Do want.

[1]Listen to audio of chapter 1

Job 1
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