Jeremiah 52

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Old Testament
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Teh Bad Timez for teh Jer00sulem Revyood

  1 Dis Zedekiah kitteh had bin livin for liek twennywon yeers, srsly. an den he wuz teh top kitteh in Jer00sulem. Teh mom-kitteh of Zedekiah wuz Hamutal an she wer teh dotter of Jeremiah, teh kitteh frum Libnah.2 So dis Zedekiah wuz bad kittehs. he maide teh Ceiling Cat reely srsly angries liek dis othr n00b kitteh Jehoikam did. Bad kitteh!3 Liek for srsly, Jer00sulem an Judeeah wuz makin teh Ceiling Cat so srsly pee-ohhed dat teh Ceiling Cat wuz liek "kNOthxbai" an put dem bofe owtsidez wehre he cud no seez dem no moar. dey wer dat bad of teh kittehs!

  3 Zedekiah wuz srsly st00pid, liek him no haz teh branez. an so he skrachez teh King Nebuchadrezzar in teh face, OMG!!11!!1.4 An so teh King Nebucha...dat king kitteh frum Babbalon goez all teh wai to Jer00sulam wif a bunch of soljers. An dey wer liek, "oh hai, wez seegin ur citees, LOLZ." an dey bilded teh seegewerks.5 an teh Jer00salum wuz all seegey fur too yeerz!6 after teh kittehs in Jer00sulem had ben stuk insied for srsly long tiemz, dey had no moar cheezburgers. OH NOES!!!11!!7 an den all of suddn dere wuz a h00ge hole in teh wall, an no cheezburgers came troo teh holez.8 all teh wimpz soljers wuz runnin awai in teh darkz an dey wuz liek kthxbai eben tho teh Chaldeans wuz all overz teh place. oh yeah, an dey wuz all runnin to Arabah. No Chaldeanz ther! OK, so den teh Chaldeans pownced on teh naughteh Zedekiah az him wuz sneekin bai teh planez of Jericho. Noen of hiz soljers luvved Zedekiah an they wuz liek "layter, n00b" an runned away.9 Teh Chaldeans capchurred teh king and taked him to taht Babbalon king kitteh at Ribalah in dis place Hamath and Nebuchadresser wuz goin say what to do wiht teh n00b Zedekiah.10 Teh Babbalon king tukz all teh itteh bitteh kittehs of Zedekiah an had dem drounded in a bukkit an made Zedekiah luk--dis Nebuchadrezzerz a meen kitteh! Zedekiah also wachez all hims frenz hoo tellz him stuff an stuff get killt!1!!!1!!11 Zedekiah iz havin bad day, an Babbylon king maeks it wurs by takin owt hiz eyez! OWCH!! Zedekiah den goze to teh prizzon in Babblon an staiz til he iz ded.

  12 So dere wuz teh tenf dai of de munf call fifmunf an teh dai wuz in teh nineteenf yeer of Nebuchadrezzar teh king of Babbalon. Tihs d00d Nebuzaradan wuz teh top kittengard of teh king an he pownced intoo teh Jer00salum.13 Nebuzaradan wuz liek "ai hatez u, howse of Ceiling Cat so ai bernz u an den makez u takez a bath." an he didded this to old bad kingz howse an all the pretteh kitteh howses in Jer00salum.14 All teh n00b Chaldeans wiht Nebuzaradan tukz doun all teh wallz an skrached tehm to peeses.15 Nebuzaradan teh top kittehgard tukz teh kittehs wif de leest cheezburgerz an tukz dem to Babbylon. Him takez teh desertrs (nomnom) an all teh peepls hoo werkz wiht teh toolz an stuff.16 But Nebuzaradan leffted a fyoo of teh kittehs wifout manee cheezburgers behined to taek care of teh graeps an teh urfs.

Jeremiah 52
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