Jeremiah 45

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Old Testament

Gud stuffs fur Baruch

1 Srsly, dis is waht proffutcat Jeremiah saided to Baruch (Neriah's babbeh), an him had wroted stuffs on sum curly papers, in fourf yr uv dis King Jehoiakim dood.2 Oh hai Baruch, kk Ceiling Cat sez ta tell yoo:3 Yu saided "Oh noes! Ceiling Cat eated my cookie an den laffed aboud it 'n stuff, an nao ai srsly so sad ai crieding til ai hurtses. An ai cant nap 'n stuffs an cumfy catbed is no gud. All yur fallt Ceiling Cat, srsly, an do not want!"4 So Ceiling Cat sez, "Oh hai, I'm in yur Urfs nokkin' down all yer sandycastleses 'n stuff, 'n stealin yur bukkits an cheezburgers an yoo no can has cheezburgers cuz ai takin dem alls, an srsly ai means it, fur wholes Urf!5 Yoo wants cookies an gud stuffs? No can has, an dun evun fink abowddit, cuz ai eatses yur cookies an taek all da gud stuffs frum all teh kittehs everwheres, so teh kittehs no can has cheezburgerses. But kk here's gud part, srsly: do not want keel yoo (ai not Basement Cat!), so if yoos no dai on yur own, ai not keel yoo, lols!"

Jeremiah 45
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