Jeremiah 3

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Old Testament
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Israel Gotz No Shaem. Srsly.

1 Dey sayz, "If sum dood leavez him chick, an teh chick hookz up wit sum othr dood, will him getz her bak?" But yuz peepz r lyk, totl slutz to Ceiling Cat, and yuz keepz crallin bak.

2 Look at all teh bedz, an soefaz, an taeblz, an floorz, an all thoes othr playcez ai just do NOT wantz to pikature! OMG, there is BUTTSECKS evrywaers! U pounce on teh gaiz laik on teh mousez, an dis maekz Ceiling Cat rly pissed. Srsly.

3 Tharefour, teh water iz not gonna fall frum teh skiez no mores, cuz yuz not sorry fer teh way u treatz Ceiling Cat.

4 Yuz just du not getz it, an yuz crai to Ceiling Catz, "Dood, u haz taekn kaerz uv us since we wuz littel kittinz, an gaev us cheezburgrz!5 Stop with teh mad stuffs alreddiez, an get on with teh cheezburgerz." But yuz haz maed menny invisible errorz, an that iz not gonna happin.

 6 Ceiling Cat sed to me when Josiah b teh king, has u seen wot Izrail dun? they has BUTTSECKS under tree n high in teh hills with birds.

7 'N' i sed aftr she dun teese tings, turn bak to me. but she didn't n her evil sis Judah saws it.

8 'N' when i saws wot she dun, i puts her away in her box for the vets. but evil sis Judah went n had BUTTSECKS also.

9 'N' Judah had BUTTSECKS wit' evrytin'.

10 'N' Judah didn't come back to me completely, says Ceiling Cat.

11 'N' Ceiling Cat sed to me that bakslidin Izrail is more right than evil Judah.

 12 go to teh North n say return u bakslidin Izrail, sez Ceiling Cat; n i wont b angry. for i is merciful, n i no keep angry foreva.

13 know u has gone against Ceiling Cat, n not listened to me, sez Ceiling Cat.

14 turn back, u bakslidin kittenz, n i'll take u n bring u to teh Ceiling.

15 'N' i'll give u a big garden, n i'll feed u wit Felix n mice.

16 When u has kittenz n fill teh urth, u'll forgetz teh Ark, n never go there.

17 When dis happenz, everyone sez Jerusalem is teh seat of Ceiling Cat. evryone b there, to teh name of Ceiling Cat. none b evil in teh heart no more either.

18 Also when dis happen teh houses of Judah n Izrail'll walk together. they comes from teh north to teh urth of their fatherz.

19 But i sed, How i put u among kittenz, n give u good urth? i sed u call me ur father n never go away again.

 20 Srsly, as an evil chick leavez him, an teh chick hookz up wit sum othr dood, u has dun dis to me house of Izrail, sez Ceiling Cat.

21 A meaow was heard from teh high places from teh kittenz of Izrail, for they is perverted n forgot Ceiling Cat.

22 Come bak, u bakslidin kittenz, n i heal u. Look we come bak to u as u is Ceiling Cat.

23 U is wastin ur time if u look to teh hills or mountainz for help. Ceiling Cat is help.

24 Shame have destroyed teh work of our fatherz from our kittenz, n their stuff.

25 We goes to sleep in shame n confusion, as we have invisible errored against Ceiling Cat. so has our fatherz n kittenz not listened to teh wordz of Ceiling Cat.

Jeremiah 3
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