Jeremiah 2

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Old Testament
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Israel ignoarz Ceiling Cat

1 Ceiling Cat sed:2 "U go an say dis: "'I remembar wen u wuz followin me.

3 CeilingCat liekd Israel, an helpd us.'" Ceiling Cat sez so, k gaiz?

4 Hay everwun, Ceiling Cat sez dis:

5 Ceiling Cat sez "wai u ignoarz me nao?

6 U not wunderz were Ceiling Cat wentz!

7 Iz bringin u to awsum plaice so u can has cheezburgers. But u maed teh plaice bad an stuff!

8 Even preests not wunder were Ceiling Cat wuz! Everwun lisend to proffets of teh faek Catz!

9 Nao Iz mad at u. An Iz gunna be mad at ur grandkids." Ceiling Cat sez dat.

10 "Nao u goes to teh plaice wif teh funny naem, and u lukz at it, k?

11 Didz neone ever get new Catz? Ur new wunz not rael. An u traedz cheezburgerz foar bukketz!

12 Nao teh Ceiling gunna be mad an stuf." Ceiling Cat sed dat.

13 Mai peepz maed TWO Invisible Errorz! First dey ignoarz me, teh awsum water bowl. Den dey maekz broke litterboxes. (Iz not raelly water bowl. Iz bein all smart an stuff.)

14 Iz u gaiz servnts? Den wai u be trezurz?

15 Dogz barkz at u an braeks ur housz an stuff.

16 Gaiz frum funny plaices took ur hairz!

17 Dis all ur fault, cuz u ignoarz me.

18 Wai u goez to funny plaices foar water?

19 Wen u doez bad things, bad things happenz to u. Ignoaring me iz RAELLY BAD! SRSLY!" Ceiling Cat sez dat.

20 "U startz to ignoar me long tiemz ago.

21 I maed u liek raelly yummy tuna. Hao iz u liek icky bad fish nao?

22 U lik urself lotz, but I seez u still raelly dirty." Ceiling Cat sez dat.

23 "Hao u sez 'Iz gud kitteh. I not folloz dogs.'? U iz bad! U runz around liek mous,24 or liek wun of dose raelly fast bugz. U getz tierd chasin dem.25 Stop runningz wen u needz braek! U sez 'But I has to chaes teh dogs!'

26 Israel iz bad liek a bad kitteh.

27 U callz toys parentz, an u ignoarz me, but u wantz mai helpz wen u in trubblez!

28 Were ur new cats? Wai dun dey giv u helpz? U gotz lotz of dem!

29 Wai u angry at me? U iz teh bad wunz." Ceiling Cat sez dat.

30 I spraiz water at u, but u still bad.

31 U littul kittehs listnz to Ceiling Cat, k? Iz u gud or bad?

32 Duz u furgetz yur tailz? Den wai u furgetz me?

33 U iz gud at chaesing toyz.

34 Teh uvvers findz teh mous bitz in ur mouf,35 but u sez u not seez no mous, but Iz gunna check, cuz u sed u didnt do it.

36 Wai u duz differnt thingz? U iz not gunna liekz dem.

37 Nao Ceiling Cat not helpz u, cuz u ignoarz him.

Jeremiah 2
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