Jeremiah 16

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Old Testament
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DAI OF DESTROIKSHUN
1 An teh werdz ov teh Ceiling Cat cam to meh:
2 "O Hai! I sez no can has wievs or bebehs in tihs plais. kthxbai!
3 O hey, i tellz yu wai: cuz ebrybodee hoo is heer is gona dye.
4 Deyz gona get teh raybees an nowon wil crai. an no shoo bocks foar dem eeder,
 deyz jus gona lye ther lik garbaj. dey wil dye by Drillcat and hungreez
 an ther ded kitteh bodeez wil be NOMS foar teh berdz an teh beesties ov teh urf."

5 Foar tihs is wat ceiling Cat sez:
 No go to teh funerlz to sho props, cuz i taek awai mah blessinz,
 mah lurves an mah piteez frum theez peeplz. Srsly DO NOT WANT!

6 Awl heer wil dye, an no bodee wil crai. Hey, dat ryme! I shld rite foar Dylan!
7 No won wil giv NOMs or gatorades to teh mowrners.
8 An no evn go in ther howses
9 cuz b4 ur eeys I wil pwnz0r them srsly. An teh no can has hapys no moar!
10 Wen yu giv thes peepl hedzupz, dey gona ax yu, "Wai, wat we do?
 Wat invisible error do we gots?"

11 Tellz dem I sed, "It'z cuz ur daddies fergetted me and lurved othr gawds
 and didn follo mah rulz! WTF?!

12 And u ben nawtier than anybodee an follo teh ebil in ur hartz!
13 So'z I wil maek you to GTFO ov tihs land to wershyp dem othr gawds cuz i thinkz uz sux!"
14 Ceiling Cat sez, "Ur dais ar numberd! I am teh Ceiling Cat hoo brawt yu from
 teh rukus up norf!"

16 Ceiling Cat sez, "I will senz foar mai fishymen and mai pyrates and tehy
 wil pwnz dem frum evry mounten!

17 Mah lazor eeys ar on dem, dey no can hidez frum me! I see der invisible error!
18 An bcuz dey suxes, I wil maek dem crai 2wice!"
19 "O Ceiling Cat, u ar mah strenf. I hiedz in yu wen mai ownr make kitty scared.
 Our fur fathers had st00pid fakster gawds an nao I suferz!

20 Wen peepl maek gawds, dey ar not reel!
21 Therfoar, I wil edumakate dem an teech dem mai p0wr!
 tehn dey wil kno taht "I AM CEILING CAT! YARR!"


So sez teh Ceiling Cat. A-miaow.

Jeremiah 16
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