Jeremiah 15

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1 Ceiling Cat tellz meh, "Evn if Moosis, oar lolrus oar Elbis coms to me,
 I sends dem awai, tellz dem, "GTFO!! Go wai!"

2 An if'n dey ax, "Wher we sposd to go, huh?" Yu tel dem wat Ceiling Cat sez:
 "Thos set foar deth, go to heem. Ptthhh!
 Thos set foar Drillcat, proceed...yu has a flavr.
 Thos set foar torchur, itz seben o'klok, go wacth Merykan Iduhl!
 NO WON CAN EXKAPE TEH EBIL OV TEH SEECRUST!"

3 Ceiling Cat sai, "O Hai, I senz yu foar destroiders; Teh Nynjas, teh Drillcat,
 teh Seecrust an teh Gozer!"

5 Hoo wil has pitees on yu? hoo wil crai? hoo wil stop an ax, "O Hai, haow ar yu?"

6 No budees, cuz yu keeps denien meh! So I wil pwnz0r yu an no can has compashun!Srsly!

7 I wil poeks yu wif forks an maek u crai, cuz u no chanj ur ebil!

8 I wil giv u mani wievs so u no can has catnaps or monees. Haha, i curs yu!

9 I wil put anee servyvers to teh destroiders, hoo wil nibbel ur harbls and putz u in jayls.
  So sayith teh Ceiling Cat. So sorry.

10 Wai, o wai duz evrywon curs at me?

11 Ceiling Cat sez: "O Hai! I pwnz0r u so'z to maek u strong!"

12 Can a kitteh braek teh windo screenz maed at home depot?

13 I wil giv awl ur dingl toys to teh dawgies cuz of ur invisible error

14 I wil maek u slayv in a stranj base and mah angreez wil burn yur taylz.

15 Yu unerstand me, Ceiling Cat. Pleez teyks cayr ov me! I sufer foar yu!

16 Wen ur kookies cam, I eated dem an I roll on floar wif hapy!

17 Nao, I has run out ov hapy cuz u maeks me sit in teh clawset.

18 Srsly, haow com mah criyin nevr endz? Wil yu be liek a FAILS?

19 Lissen, dis wat Ceiling Cat sai: "O Hai! If'n yus sai sory, I wil has mercees.
 Cuz I has mad skillz ov compashun. If'n yu sez truf, i find yu worvy. Coolbeans!"

 So sayith teh Ceiling Cat. A-miaow!

20 I wil sav yu frum teh Gozer destroider. Den tehy wil kno mai naym is Ceiling Cat! Yarr!!

End ov Jerdemaya fith-teen. A-miaow!


Jeremiah 15
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