James 5

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New Testament
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U Iz In Big Truble Nao!

1 Nao lisN up u peepul wit lots a cheezburgerz. U is going to be sad.2 Der iz mold n nasti stuf all ovr ur cheezburgerz LOL.3 Dis iz cuz u put all ur cheezburgerz in ur fridge n nevr eat em or giev m 2 othr peepz.4 U haev otehr cats wruk 4 u nd u no pay them. Ceiling Cat is mad nao.5 Yu get fat on teh cheezbrgers but Ceiling Cat will hit yu wit teh lazer eyes.6 Teh wurst part iz yu did this 2 peepul who did nthing 2 yu!

Payshuns

7 Chill kittehs, Ceiling Cat iz coming. See how teh LOLrus wait for teh bukkit?8 Be payshunt nd wait 4 teh Ceiling Cat, he brings yu teh cheezburgers soon.9 No fighting whiel yu waitz, or Ceiling Cat bringz teh lazer eyes. Teh Lazer Eyer is almost here!

10 Be payshunt liek teh old kittehs who said teh FAQ.11 Teh kittehs who wait teh longest get moar cheezburgers. Srsly. Liek wit Job, Ceiling Cat brings teh gud after teh bad if yu waits.

12 Iz impaortant teh kittehs not swear. No sayin, "i promisez yu by teh cheezburger." Maek ur yes mean yes nd no mean no. Iz simpul.

Teh Prayr of teh Faeth

13 Ne1 has problums? Prey 2 teh Ceiling Cat. Iz yu happy? Den yu shud sing!14 Yu has teh sick? Maek other ppls prey lots. Oilz wuld be gud 2.15 Teh prayr of teh peepuls maek sick ppl better; Ceiling Cat will fiks all them. They maek invisibul errer? Ceiling Cat will maek it better.16 So tell teh otehrs wen yu do somthing bad, nd maek shur evry1 preys so yu get better. Teh prayr of a good kitteh wurks lots!

17 Elikhat wuz jus liek us. He prey that it not raen, and no raen for long tiem.18 Then he prayd moar, nd teh ceiling raended, nd teh plants growed.19 Felluw kittehs, if sum1 not lisn 2 teh Ceiling Cat, nd then yer friend tells him to lisn so he does,20 dun forget: If yu fiks a bad cat then yu saves his lifes nd maek urs better 2.

James 5
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