Isaiah 57

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Kittehs be bad, srsly

1 Gud kittehs dize - wai, O wai? Pplz doan kare. Teh sweetist kittehs r tuk awae. Allus gud kittehs b goen when things git baed.2 Kittehs b all peecful n sleepin, waekin up all hapee.3 But kittehs kum heer - ur momz n dadz warnt marreed n war majik. Srsly.4 Kittehs, wai u trippn? Kwit makin fayses n stikn owt ur tungz. Bad kittehs!5 Kittehs b bloatd wif goldn kittehs undr teh trese, killin teh lil kittehs in teh caevs. Bad, bad kittehs.6 I gif u rox, cuz u waz bettr tew teh rox then u waz tew me - giffin teh rox a drink and sum meet. Wahts up wif dat?7 U slept on top uv teh kloset n fell aslip n hung owt dere n mak a sakrifieses.8 U b finded a nudder Ceiling Cat, n doan kum when I callz u but shutz teh dur on me. U mak a rilly big bed n promis this udder Cat - u luv dat Cat's bed.

Ceiling Cat iz all yestadai

9 U went tew teh king n likt him n then rold in sumthin nasti. U turnt off ur fone, n did nasti things in teh basement.10 U disko napt cuz ur sew bizzy, but kai, u kewl. U dune all rite bi ur selfs.11 Ur nu frenz doan no me, n u purtend u doan no me. Iz not evn in ur speed dile no mo. Iz sit in teh dark, uhlone, watin 4 u, but u nevr calls.12 Ule b sawry. All teh kewl nu stuffs u gots not gone do it fo u.13 U b kryin, u see, call ur frenz den. Dey b buzi, putin on teh makups, kommin teh harz. Roll wif me n I bi u popperty, kai, n a mowntin, a rilly gud won, all holee n stuffs, kai?

Ceiling Cat b reeznubbel, kai, fo a Ceiling Cat

14 I sez tew ever1, git, git owt uv mai wai and owt uv mai peeps wai.15 Nao kittehs heer me. I b teh hi n loftee Ceiling Cat dat lifs in fo evah. I is Holee. I hangz on the ceiling ware it b holee. If u b sawry srsly, n ur frenz, tew, nao,16 Lez not fite. Iz not mads n will not skwash u.17 Fo ur invisible errors I was pist, n skratcht u. I feeld bad n state in bed n sulkt. U dint evn sim tew notiss.18 U is waht u is. Waht kin I say? U is heelt. U is led, tew, n I giff u bak all ur stuffs. Say sawry fo me tew ur frenz.19 Peez tew ever1, neer n far, seds teh Ceiling Cat. Did I seds u wuz heelt aready? O, kbai.

But no peez fo teh wikit, kai?

20 Teh wikit r liek a flushn toylet, swirlin, full uv nasti things.21 No peez, seds teh Ceiling Cat, tew teh wikit.

Isaiah 57
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