Isaiah 5

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Old Testament

1 O hai! Plz to be singing song fur mah bee-luved!

Dis song abaot mah luverz catnipz treez!
Mah bee-luved did haz catnipz farm
Dey wuz on srsly awesoem hill!

2 Nao, dis guy he be werkin hard to grow dat catnipz.

He maek da ground grate fur catnipz
He plant in dat ground sum awesoem catnipz
He even put a tall chaer der (all da bettar to watch catnipz!)
He wuz so exsaited fur da catnipz
But... wtf! Only wild catnipz growz nao! Dis NO GUD, srsly!!

3 "U lissen heer!" (sez Ceiling Cat)

"Kittehz uv Jerooselum
And lolcatz uv Joodah,
Plz to be tellin me abaotz mah catnipz farm!

4 "Wut else cud I haev dun fur deez catnipz?

I want da gud stuff! No wild catnipz!
Wai can I no haz gud catnipz?

5 "Furst, I sez wut I do wif dis catnipz farm.

I will dig up all deez bad catnipz,
Den I will kik at wall until it fallz.

6 "Den, I pee all over.

Dis farm be too stinkee! No can werk on it.
Weedz will grow, no catnipz!
Also, I tell claods not to rain. I can do dat."

7 Nao see, da catnipz farm of Ceiling Cat

Dat farm is da kitteh house,
And all dat catnipz, delishush catnipz,
dat is all u kittehz!
Ceiling Cat wantz gud kittehz,
But u kittehz is all bad!

8 I tellz u, kittehz,

Bad tiemz to doz hoo are greedee.
U sleep on hole floor!
No room fur uver kittehz!

9 Ceiling Cat told me:

"All ur housez, emptee.
No catz liev der, tho iz nice house.

10 U maek ten catnipz farmz?

Only one farm haz catnipz!
U get ten fud boals,
Only one haz fud."

11 Kittehz hoo eet catnipz

Frum wen iz lite
Until iz dark again,
Dey eet too much catnipz!

12 U kittehz may haev feest

wit mowse toi and squeek toi,
wit ball, string, and catnipz.
But srsly! U forget Ceiling Cat!
U no pay atenshun to Ceiling Cat
And wut Ceiling Cat duz fur u.
Bad kittehz.

13 I tellz u dis!

Mah kittehz not let in house
Fur u all bad kittehz.
U gonna be hungree
And u gonna be thurstee.

14 I tellz u dis!

Der be kitteh hell, and it openz mowth
Dat mowth, is big!
All ur gud stuff nao belong to hellmowth.

15 Yea, u kittehz r sad

U r not hai, but low.
U kittehz thot wuz uber, nao iz pwned.

16 Ceiling Cat did this to u!

Dat wai Ceiling Cat iz so powerful!

17 Nao doz fuzzy thingz be grazin.

...sheep! Dem iz sheep.
Dey be eetin ur stuff, cuz u gon.

18 OMG!? U who iz dragin meanyness wif yarn maed of lais,

who iz drgain nawtyness wif kart-roaps,

19 who sez, 'STFU nd herry up!!!!!!

him bettr b speedin hiz werk, oferwize, we wil all beingz at hoam eatin cheezburgers bai teh tiem hiz doen!!!
Ceiling Cat bettr hurree him upz,
cuz we wantz two c himz finnish sumtiem todai!!!!!

20 OMG!? U who iz mixin up goodz and evilz,

laitz and derkness,
yukyness and sweetiness! Waht r u stoopid? Ya dont no waht iz sweet nd wat is yuky?

21 OMG!? U who thinkz u r just so dern shmart,

nd u probly think dis sawng iz being abouwts u!

22 OMG!? U who haz waines, r awesum at drinkin it

nd r sooper awesum at mixin mixin coktales,

23 hoo taiks braibs frum giltee peepz,

nd taiks cheezburgers frum not-guiltee peepz!
Isaiah 5
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