From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
1 Stfu yu guys, ai tryin to spaeks heer. Teh kittehs can has catnips; let dem coem to meh; an let dem spaeks; an let us can has teh judgement togethah.
2 Wtf rouseded teh justice kitteh frum teh eest an askeded teh justice kitteh to pls to coem halp him? Him gets hoal littahs an killz teh kings an maeks dem liek drieded catfud wiv him paws an liek kitteh litteh wif him moufs.
3 Him play catch wif dem, an win, an him paws hover.
4 Wtf done al dis stuf yu guys? Frum teh vewee beginin? Ai, Ceiling Cat, iz furst, an wif teh last ai can has also.
5 Faer me yu guys, teh ends of Urfs tramble, an fings iz naer.
6 Dem says, ai can has courage naw.
7 Teh longcat say "Oh hai thar printah cat, lukin gud", an teh unsuspectin kitteh say to teh sprinklscat "Ai lieks yur sprinkls", an dem finds moar sprinkls togethah.
8 But yu, peeps uv Israel, an Jacob, kitteh uv Abraham, yu ai choseded --
9 Yu ai takeded frum teh endz of teh Urfs an calleded an choseded --
10 No faers, ai iz wif yu, has no dismay. Fur ai iz ur Ceiling Cat, an ai gives yu strengf, an ai halps yu, an ai upholds yu wif mai right paw uv justice.
11 An dem doggehs agains yu shal be shameded an shal has perish naw.
12 Yu shal sekes teh doggehs an yu shal not find dem fur dey nuffin naw.
13 Fur ai iz Ceiling Cat an can grasps ur right paw an can says "No faers. Ai iz halping yu."
14 No faers, doggeh Jacob. No faers, maus Israel. Ai halps yu, say Ceiling Cat. Yu can has teh holy oen uv Israel fur to redeme yu.
15 Naw, ai makes yu threshin sledge, sharp an wif duoble edge, srsly. An yu guys can makes teh hils flat an teh mauntans yu can crushes dem.
16 An wen yu has finisheded, teh wind wil taek dem an scattah dem. An yu guys can says "epic wins!" an rejoice in Ceiling Cat teh holy oen uv Israel.
17 Teh stray kittehs sekes milks an der tungs iz firsty. Ai, Ceiling Cat, wil spaeks to dem. Ai, Ceiling Cat, wil not fursaek dem.
18 Ai wil opens milk rivahs on teh baer haits, an milk fauntans in teh vallehs. Ai wil turns teh desert to milkland an teh dry grouns to springs uv craem.
19 Ai wil puts fishes in teh desert; ai wil puts chikken an mauses an in teh wasteland,
20 Soes al teh kittehs sees an understans Ceiling Cat doned it. Teh holy oen uv Israel has maded it.
21 Gives ur case, say Ceiling Cat; brings forf ur raesons.
22 Lets dem coem an fortell whats wil happen! Wat iz teh tings uv long ago? Spaeks so we noes an tels we futur stuf!
23 Noes futur stuf an we wil noes yu iz liek ceiling cats! Do sumfin gud or teh evil, srsly. We can has awe an faer den.
24 But yu iz nuffin an ur works iz nuffin an chusin yu iz failz!
25 Ai has gots oen frum teh norf, an him come; frum teh east ai calls him bai naem; Him shal trample teh rulahs liek kitteh littah, liek teh wikipediacat edits ur articles.
26 Wai yu guys not say al dis already? Wai yu not tell so we can says "O yah, iz troof"? No kitteh heared a kitteh say,
27 "O yah, dey coem naw" or "Fur Jerusalam ai finds a prophetcat who says wen dey comes".
28 Wen ai luk ai can sees no kitteh who says wen dey comes or noes anyfins.
29 All dem iz nuffin an der works iz nuffin an der idols iz epic failz!
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