Isaiah 38

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Old Testament

1 Hezekiah wuz chasing no more mousez, he willz soon dies. Teh kitteh Isaiah goez to him, "Oh HAI. Ceiling Cat sed: Tidies up your cat toys, coz youz haz run out of lifs; youes willz never want be chasing mousez ane more, n stuff."

2 Hezekiah hidez under the sofa, and wuz like, 'Oh noes', and prayz to Ceiling Cat,3 "O, Ceiling Cat, I do not wantz. I haz been gud catz, and haz made you cookies and haz never eaten them." And Hezekiah mioawed out, and iz noe happy.

4 Then Ceiling Cat sed to Isaiah5 "Tellz Hezekiah, 'Ceiling Cat sayz to youes: I haz heard you miaows, I will gives you one more cat life (that iz 15 yearz).6 I willz gives you cheezeburgrz, and will reeli protects your cities and all that.7 This willz shoes you dat Ceiling Cates promise to youes is no lies.8 I makes sun beam lights goes back, where you haz laid in its this morning, on der flor." So likes Ceiling Cat haz sed der magic warmness goes back, to wer Hezekiah cat seen it, befor.

9 Wen Hezekiah bes better n stuff, he sed dis.

10 He sed, "In mai best cat times Must I goes to catteries? And play with mousez no more?"

11 He sed, "no moes see I Ceiling Cat, not in mai sofa funs room: no mores see I the differenter catz or b wid dem, playing, n' stuff."12 Mai cat basket bes taked from me like teh walrus's bucket. I bes picking up mai lif like dogs wivs bones. Ceiling Cat lets me haz mai last lifes, he cutz the strings from teh kitteh ballz.

13 I sleeps till morning, k?. Like invisible hammer he breakz mai bones, ending all mai funs.

14 Likez the noisey birdies has I noise. Want a nap now, KTHXBAI. Ceiling Cat, bes my invisible blanket.

15 Ceiling Cat noes wants? Willz do wat he wantz coz mai soul is likes I loses mai bucket. Srsly.

16 But Ceiling Cats be letting me live now. So is likes I haz bucket.17 Maybes is for bests was thinking I bes losing my bucket. But yous maeks cookies for mes, and keeps me from Walrus, and forgets mai invisible errors.

18 If cats be losing last lives n stuff, dey cannot bes maeks cookies for you; dey can noes be hoping for no cheeseburgrs.

19 But we lif cats maeks cookies for you loads; I bes baeking today. I will tells mai kittehs bout this stuff, k?

20 My miaows. Ceiling Cat haz heard them. Will play invisible guitars to praiz him.

21 Isaiah sed, "Give kitteh teh tablet. He bes better then. Srsly."

22 Hezekiah asks, "How bes I knowing to go to Ceiling Cat's Ceiling?

Isaiah 38
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