Isaiah 3

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Old Testament
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Ceiling Cat maeks decizhun on Jerusalem an Judah; nott guud newz

1 Teh Ceiling Cat iz naow gonna taek awai frum Jerusalem an Judah all watter an fuud; all Meow Mix an Whiskas an catsnip go byebye.

2 Teh fiter-kats, judje-kats, old-cats, an teh kittehs hoo talk 4 Ceiling Cat...

3 Teh bosskats uv teh armees, teh magickats, teh bilderkats, teh adviceKats...

4 I, Ceiling Cat will hav adorabel liddle bitty babee kittenz rool ovver teh smart n wize kittehs.

5 All kittehs will fite, kittens vs. oldkats GO!, smartkats vs. stoopidkats GO!, noobs vs. Admin GO!

6 One kitteh will goez to daddycat'z hoam, an sez "Brothur, yooz gots nice clothez, yoo roolz us, inn dis wreckx city, K?"

7 An teh brodder kitteh, he sez "Ah no can bee rooler. Ah can has povrtee. Ah haz no foodz or stuffs at hoam."

8 Jerusalem an Judah look out! Trubble's comin. Yooz both haz sez an dunn badd thingz agenst Ceiling Cat.

9 Yoo kan seez it on thier faces! Tehy's bad kittehs! Scat! Itz all thier fallt.

10 Butt all teh guud kittehs can has teh Cheezburgers ov Ceiling Cat. Tehy iz so guud. Tehy can purr happilee.

11 Bad kats an kittenz gett wot tehy dezerv. Itz paybak teim!

12 Teh littel bitty kittenz rool oavr uss. Female kittehs rool oavr uss. U hav gon off teh rite path, into teh woodz uv bad kitteh stuff.

13 "All rize 4 Ceiling Cat. He iz teh judge today inn teh cort uv bad kittehs."

14 Ceiling Cat sez to teh bosskats an teh smartkats who usd to run teh cityz "U rekd mah vinyardz, yoo took cat toyz frum teh poor kittehs."

15 Ceiling Cat axd "Why yoo do this thingz? Beeting up on teh poor defensles kittehs, and makin dem feel low?"

16 Ceiling Cat axd "Wy R teh female kittehs uv Zion dressin so hawt n sexxxy, showing all thier fur an stuf, an makin teh boy kittehs think abowt sexxorz?

17 Teh Ceiling Cat passis jujment on teh female kittehs, an maeks thier fur fallz owt an tehy luuk all funni. An tehy gett oozing scabbz all ovver tehm. GROSS!

18 An Ceiling Cat taeks frum teh femail kittehs all teh nise n purty thinggz.19 liek cheezburgers an cookiez an catsnip20 an new kollarz21 an thier shiny rollin toyz 2 batt aroun teh floor an chase,22 an rubbr maice23 an Crissmas ornments 2 nok off teh crismas tree

24 insted of naice smellz, now itt like totally reeks. Your fur fallz out, yur clothz are itchy n scratchy, an nao yu lookz reelly uggli.

25 Yur Soljurkats will looz ther fites an get all scratchd an bittin.

26 All yur countree will B so poor. Nott funn. All U kan doo 4 Funn iz sit down.

Isaiah 3
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