Isaiah 11

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Old Testament
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Teh Twee Fwom Jesseh's Line

1 So liek, teh famuhlee uf Jesseh iz liek a twee dat wuz cutted. Widdle twee grozes bak, riet? Fwum da rutz o wuteva. An fwum it come shinies!2 Ceiling Cat sits on da branch uv dat tree, not betuz him fraid of doggies tho. Him will give cheezburgers to teh branch soes it can beez full an reddy to maek choycez, an akchully dooz whut him sez. Ceiling Cat will maek shoor dat him noes dat Ceiling Cat iz da CatBoss.3 Da branch haz hapyness betuz him noes dat Ceiling Cat iz da CatBoss. Him not juge fings jist bye teh wayz dey lukz. Him not maek desishuns betuz just whut uver kittehs sez eether.4 Him ulwayz do whut iz gud, wen him juge kittehs dat needs cheezburgers, an kittehs dat needz shinies. Wen him sez u needs baff, sowwy, iz gonna hapin. Wen he sez da evul kittehs must neva haz shinies annemore, sowwy, iz gonna hapin.5 Da part uv him dat iz liek Ceiling Cat, him stick dat in his coller, soes iz wif him all da tiem. Him loyultee too.6 Wild dogses wull liev wif da wams, leepards wif goatz. Behbeh cowses an huge catses will liev togever an not eated each uver.Hoomun behbehs will wiv wif all dem too an not be eated.7 Grown-up cowses will eates wif bearz. Da behbehs uv bof will sweep togever. Big catses won't liek cheezburgers nemore, we just haz cookies!8 Behbehs will plays neer da snakeses howles, an pway wif da poiznous wuns.9 Nun uv dese guyz will hurts or pwn anefin or ane1 in da Ceilin ware da CatBoss lievs. Dem oshuns haz lots uv water, which catses does not liek, but liek dat, da urf will haz lotz ov teh nowleg uf Ceiling Cat.

Teh Exield Kittehs Wil Rtrn

10 Den da kitteh dats caled da rut ov Jesseh's twee beez wike a giant cheezburger flotin in da air, soes every1 can seez him an come to sees him cwoser. Da pwace wheer dat kitteh is king will be teh awesomeness.11 Da dayz wen it happenz wil be da dayz wen Ceilin Cat freez hiz kittehz left in teh lands of watr, liek Assyria and Egypt.12 Ceilin Cat wil put up teh kitteh flagz so dat all kittehs can coem to et from ther scatterashunz acrss teh landz.13 Kittehz frm Judah wnt pwn kittehz frm Israel no moarz, and kittehz frm Israel wnt wont Judahz cheezbrgr no moarz. Srsly.14 Den dey pwn Philistine kittehz in teh west, and stealz all cheezbrgrz off kittehs in teh east. Teh kittehz frm Edom n Moab wil be pwned by teh Israel n Judah kittehz, n teh kittehz frm Ammon wil do watevr teh Israel n Judah kittehz sayz.15 Ceilin Cat wil blowz on teh watrz of Suez, and on teh rivrz of teh Euphrates, so dat teh kittehz can all walkz acrss, no wetz.16 Ceilin Cat wil maek a cat flap frm teh Assyria, so dat teh Israel kittehz stil alief in teh Assyria can escaepz, liek he maed teh cat flap frm Egypt longtiemz ago.

Isaiah 11
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