How to speak lolcat
From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
Oh hai thar
So you want to speak lolcat? It isn't very easy and you may end up with some kitty scratches in the end. The purpose of this page is to offer help on proper lolcat syntax and grammar. Don't worry if you don't get it at first. It takes some practice but in the end you'll end up with proper lolcat that is both cute and funny.
This isn't fully written though. I shall be doing that soon. For now, if you really want a crash course go to icanhascheezburger and read the comments there. These are the experts. Yes, really.
Here we go!
mai mispelins, lemme show yu dem
In lolcat speak almost everything is mispelled. Think baby talk, but with a cat flair. This is probably one of the hardest parts to get down correctly.
"eye" sounds are almost always rendered into ai, unless it just doesn't fit into the word. Most words that end in the "eye" sound can benefit from this set up. However, it appears that "ight" configurations don't benefit from using ai. Instead, change "ight" to "iet".
- Hi -> hai
- I -> ai
Words that end in a silent "e" that have a consonant before almost always exchange the two last letters.
- kite -> kiet
- like -> liek
- come -> coem
- came -> caem
- bake -> baek
- plate -> plaet
A good exception to this rule is "dude" which is rendered into "dood" or "d00d".
Another note of interest are words that end in "er". Either you'll end up dropping the "e" or changing the ending to "ah". Both ways are acceptable.
- over -> ovah, ovr
- hover -> hovah, hovr
- peeker -> peekah, peekr
Diphthongs (multiple vowel sounds in one syllable) are often exaggerated or misplaced
- Baby -> baybeh
- Youtube -> Yewtoob, Yewtewb, Yootoob
- loud -> lowd
- couch -> Cowch
Words that end in -y are often instead written to end in -eh.
- kitty -> kitteh or kittah
- funny -> funneh
- baby -> baybeh, behbeh
"Th" sounds are usually replaced with "f", but can occasionally be replaced with "tt" or "dd". Rarely will the "th" be kept.
- Nothing -> Nofin, nuttin, etc
- Three -> tree, free, fwee, twee
- With -> wif
Switch "le" endings with "el".
pls dun be abusin teh txtspeak, kthx
An important distinction is that lolcatspeak is not txtspeak. Here is a comparison:
- Hi, I was wondering if you could come down here at about 3PM. Will that be fine?
- TxtSpeak: hi was wndrng u cud cme dwn @ 3, k?
- lolcat: O hai! Iz wunderin, yu can has go to heer at 3? kthxbai.
TxtSpeak's main purpose is to shorten the amount of keys needed to get the message across. This is not lolcat speak.
ai can has pronowns?
Pronouns are almost destroyed in lolcat. Here are some examples:
- I -> ai (Sometimes I works better.)
- I am -> Iz
- me -> meh
- you -> yu Plural-> yuz
- he -> him
- his -> him
- she -> her
- hers -> her
- them -> dem
- they -> dem
- their -> dem
Him and her are abused.
- He went to the store and came back with nothing. He is very bad!
- Him goed to teh stowr an caem bak wif nofin! Him is vewee wet!
- I am trying to sleep. Could you please be quiet?
- Iz tryin to slepe. Yu be kwyet, k?
- She likes his taste in clothes a lot. I bet she dates him for that!
- Her liek him tayst in clofes lotz. Ai fink her dait him for dat!
- They keep looking over here. Maybe there is a stain on my shirt?
- Dey kep lukin ovah heer. oh noes! Iz has stane on mah shurt?
Abundant use of the word "srsly" is necessary.
-An thenn tehy wuz al ded. Srsly. (Exodus 1)
Want to see how well you've learned LOLcat? here's the test! What does this say:
Test 1: an teh ppl wen 2 teh pien tre and seds "o hai. we luvs ar pien tre!!!1!" srsly.
The people went to the pine tree and said, "Oh hi. We love our pine tree!" Seriously.
Test 2: Hai Iz likes pai
Hi, I like pie
Test 3: I can has peec uv pai?
Can I have a piece of pie?
How well did you do? Good luck reading!