Hosea 1

From LOLCat Bible Translation Project

Jump to: navigation, search
Old Testament
Bible5.gif


1 Teh wurdz ov CEILING CAT taht camez unto Horsea whoz wuz teh suns ov Beeri an wahtevurz, bak inz teh dais wehn Jeroboam wuz teh poopz an stuvz.

2 Teh begininz ov dis wurd (bi cieling cat). He sedz sumtihn liek, Go getz a whyfe ov whoredumz an spawnz sum litle whoredumz babiez: fur teh land cummitz big whoredumz. Endz ov tranzmishun.

3 So he goez an get hotz chik namez Gomer an dey hadz HRBLE GOEZ WHERE?? wifoutz fun leik buttsecks or bluwjobz cuz taht stil wuznt inventedz yet. Dey spawnedz onez son.

4 Ceiling Cat goez speackz to Hosea ugainz an sez namez y00r ugliez sun Jezreel so i canz avenge sum blud uponz teh howse ov Jehu an stopz all teh kingdumz stuvfz in Isrealz.

5 An itz gunna pass daht day, daht i willz breakz sum bowz ov isreal an stuvfz, in teh valley ov y00r ugly sonz, Jezreel.

6 Tehn daht hot chikz spawnedz moor, poppinz outz a grlie. An Ceiling Cat gitz awl bossiez uhgainz an sez to namez it Loruhamah, cuz Ceiling Cat will no longr have pitteh nr luv 4 teh houze ov Israel or 4give themz.

7 But Ceiling Cat sez he gunna havez mersiez on Judah cuz dey dont masturbait an havz himz fur onlee gawdz. an Ceiling Cat iz gunna save tehm.

8 Wen she hadded weand Lo-ruhamah, she gotz preggerz an spawnez a son.

9 Ceiling Cat wantz ta namez mo0r kittehs so Ceiling Cat sez namez it Lo-ammi becuz ur teh n00bz n' i am notz st00pidz. Youz broke teh Mosaic Covenant, n00bs!

10 Cieling Cat alzo sez daht teh numbrz ov Jew childrnz wilz be m3ga maniez liek graenz ov sandz on beech an daht Jew childz are hiz ppl becuz he not st00pidz.

11 Den teh jew childz getz togethr an partiez wif booze an pikcz kingz to PWN new kingdumz an den daht day becumz Jezreel, w00t! Endz ov tranzmishun.

Hosea 1
Books Chapters
← Previous Next → ← Previous Next →
Daniel Joel None Hosea 2
Personal tools