Hebrews 7

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Melchizedek Bestest Cheeseburgers Has

1 Dis melchizedek wuz da king ov salem an priist ov da ceiling cat. Him said to abraham: "Oh hai, yu pwns dem other kingz. Yu can has cheezburgerz."2 Therfoer abraham giev him ten presents ov da loot. Him name be king ov justiz. Him be king ov peece too.3 Him has no dad an mum an kittehs. Him has no birtdai an liev forewer. His liek teh Son of Ceiling Cat. Him is priest for everah.

4 He iz teh bestest!! Even teh funder abraham giveh him tax.5 Dem kitteh ov levi baking cookies an stuff, must take tax ov teh pepol, even demz brothers ar kittehs ov abraham.6 But melchizedek iznt one ov dem. Him take tax and giev cheeseburger to abraham as promissing.7 Cheeseburger iz better tehn monny.8 Taking monney and die iz stupid. But liev iz best a lot.9 See! Becaus ov abraham iz paid tax, levi also iz taxed.10 Him wuz in him dad when him meet melchizedek.

Jebus r Melchizedek

11 If teh perfects cud hav bin gotted froo teh levitical priist (iff teh rulez wuz gived to teh kittehz an stuffs), why need udder priist?—one of dem melchizedek, not teh stoopedz Aarons.12 Wen der iz noo priist, we needz to chainj teh rulez. srsly.13 Dis udder gai is frum udder trieb, an we dusnt liek dat trieb.14 "Cuz Ceilin Cat caem frum sky. duh." moses dint say nofin bowt dem udder priists an triebs.15 It maek moar cents wunce we gets anudder melchizedek.16 Melchizedek r gud an not old, dem r good.17 Iz sed:"Ur a priist forevur, a melchizedek."

18 Teh former rulez r gon cuz dem r stoopidz.19 (cuz rulez is fur dummys, srsly) an a bettur hoep wuz heer, an we r closur to Ceilin Cat.20 an it wuznt wifowt oaf! Sum wer priists wifowt oafs.21 But him becaem priist wen Ceilin Cat sed: "I sed so an Iz not kiddin: 'Ur a priist forevur.' "22 Becuz of dis oaf, Jebus iz gunna be gud.

23 Nao der r lotz of priists, cence dem r diein an dem get replaeced;24 But Jebus is envincebul, him r priist forevur.25 Derfor him can savez everywun forevurs, cuz he iz always helpin dem.

26 We needz a gud priist liek dat—wun hoo r good an stuffs.27 He dun need to sacrefyse mices eech dai for teh Invisible Errors ov him and teh peopls becuz him dyed fur dat or somefin.28 Teh rulez getz priists dat r not az gud; but teh oaf dat wuz after teh ruel, dat ruel got teh Happy Cat, hoo r perfects forevur.

Hebrews 7
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