Hebrews 13

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New Testament

Jebus dont be changin

1 Kittehs better act niec to other kittehs an luv eech other an stuf.2 Giv other kittehs fudz (cheezburgers ar preefured) and plaec to sleep if dey needz it. Sum kittehs has even halp sum birdcats and dey dont knows it! Woa!3 If other kittehs be in cages at teh pound, treet dem like uz in dere wit dem. If other kittehs has been hurted, treet dem likz its u dat been hurted.4 If u has a huzbnd or a wifey, dont be havin the CAWK GOES WHERE?! wit other kittehs. Ceiling Cat dont lieks dat, kthx.

5 Dont be greedy kittehs, cuz u gotta be happys wid ur stuf and real content. Srsly, dont wurrie bout gettin ur cheezburgers n stuf. Ceiling Cat sayin, "Be coolz, I gots ur back. I nevr leeve yu! Srsly." So we can meow deez words:

6 Ceilng Cat be dere, he gots my bak,
I isnt skeered.
Whoz or whats can pwn me?!

7 Dont furget da smrt kittehs who teached u da wurds of Ceiling Cat. Dey has gud behavyurs, so dont u furgets dat and u tries real hard to be guds liek dem too.

8 Jebus, he dont be changin. Not yesturdy, 2day, or CATURDAY!9 So dont gits a crazee ideas or annyting. Ur powrs coms frum Ceiling Cat luvin u, not frum cheezburgers, cuz evn tho dey be tastee, dey iznt helpin u (bleeve it or not).

10 Long tiems ago, Ceiling Cat maed sum crazee rulz bout preest kittehs havin to sacreefyce cheezburgers, so kittehz cud b furgivn for dere sinz an stuf.11 Deez preest kittehs wud hav to burn up teh cheezburgers (oh noes! wat a wastes!).12 But den, Jebus, he sacreefyceds himselfs insted of da cheezburgers, an ur sins (pwnsing other kittehs, drinkin frum da toylet, makin ur frindz a cooky but eetin it, and stufz liek dat) wuz furgivn furevr!!!!1!13 So b sur to be hangin out wit Jebus and luvs him fur wat he did.14 Cuz member dat tho dis wurld be havin cheezburgers and cookies and pies and napz and cuddlez and other gud tingz, iz not ur real houz. Weez kittehz gonna hav a real houz wit Ceiling Cat one dayz. (Iz gonna be a sweet houz. Srsly.)

15 Okays den. Kittehs, u keeps praysin da Ceiling Cat, and tells othar kittehs u frindz wit him.16 Dont furget! U gotta do niec tings fur othar kittehs, and share ur cheezburgers and stufz wit kittehz who have nun. Dis maeks Ceiling Cat real happys.

17 Do wat da smrt kittehs tell u, cauz dey know wat Ceiling Cat wants, an dey wachin out fur u guyz. But dont be makin smrt kittehz feel sad bout u, cuz dats meen.

18 I can has prayrz fur me n mai frindz? Cuz we WANT to do gud stufz,19 and wants be comin to ur houz reel soon, kthx. I misses u guyz!!!!

20 Ok so hopezfully u has teh peece of da Ceiling Cat,
Who raized Jebus up frum teh ded (woa!!),
our big Shepherd, cuz we b sheep lolz,
An he maded a deel wit us to luv us and we luv hims bak--

21 An Jebus wil helps u do
wat he sayz u shud,
An he wil maeks gud tings
Happin insieds u,
Thru his ginormus pwrs.
Jebus is de BEST furevrs and stuf, yayz!!!!

22 So fur reel, guyz, lissen to all dis stufz I sayz. Srsly.

23 Oh hay, did u know? Timothlee been letted go frum da pound! If he b comin to visits me, Iz breeng him to see u.

24 Say "hai" to a da kittehz ovar dere were u is. Sum kittehs frum Italee says, o hai.

25 Luv frum Ceiling Cat to evree kittehs!

Hebrews 13
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