Hebrews 1

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New Testament

Bebbi Jesus pwns teh Hovercat Anjuls

1 Oh hai Joos! In teh olden dais, ur olden dais kittehs speakd bout ur Ceiling Cat at bunchiz of tiemez in bunchiz of wayz,2 But, in thees lahst caturdais Ceiling Cat haz speakd to u wif his Baby Jebus, hoo will haz all teh stuffs, n hoo haz helpd Ceiling Cat mak all teh stuffs,3 n hoo iz holdin togethr all teh stuffs, cuz he's all liek, "Mah werd iz pwnage!" Baby Jebus iz teh beemz from teh Celing Cat's flashliet, n iz teh spittin imij of teh Celing Cat. He iz represtin! He haz sit down wif Ceiling Cat in teh Ceiling Chair cuz he haz all done wif givin teh soapz for cleanin mah 3vilz and ur 3vilz.4 So, he iz haz bettr n all teh anjulz liek his nayem iz haz bettr n all teh anjulz. He haz teh reputashun iz 999 exaltd in teh Ceilingz.

5 Cuz teh Ceiling Cat sez, "UR mah kitteh! srsly!" Celeing Cat never telld dis to teh anjuls. He only sez dis to his king kitteh on teh earthz, fer realz.6 Furdermorz, when Ceiling Cat brungded his bestest to from teh Ceilings to teh urfz, hez all likes, "Yo anjulz! Dis mah kitteh! Yoos worship mah kitteh! Thnx."7 N wen Ceiling Cat takz bowt teh anjulz, he sez, "He maeks da anjulz speeritz n maeks da preests flaems of fier."8 But 2 Jeezus he sez "Yu getz teh Ceiling Chair for eva and eva n u ken rool wit rite-ness.9 An u luvz teh rite-ness n haetz teh 3vilz, so Ceiling Cat maed u da king ova all teh othr kittehs."10 An he sez "U makeded teh heavenz n teh urfz wit ur own handz.11 Dey will dai, but u wil not, an dey will gets old lyk a clothes.12 Yu will fold dem up lyk a clothes n chaeng dem, but u will bee teh saem."13 But Ceiling Cat nevr sed 2 da anjulz "U can sit nekst to me an all ur enameez will bee ur futstool."14 Da anjulz ar just sent owt to help teh peepl hoo will be saevd.

Hebrews 1
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