Haggai 2

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Old Testament
Templ all naice n shiny

1 In layt July teh ceiling cat am cum to Haggai.2 "Go see Zerubbabel, kitteh of Shealtiel, teh guvnor uv Judah An Joshua, Jehozadak's ickle kitteh, teh hi preest An all so wots left ov de peeps an sayz:"3 "Dudes, WTF happnd? Ware did all go rong?"4 "Buff up guyz - I, teh ceiling cat, am wiv u!"5 "No be fraydy-cat - I, teh ceiling cat, am heer."

6 "I maek urf kwake - Ricta scale no am inventd yet but I do big kwake!"7 "I shake til monies fall owt ov pocketz. Putt monies in howse."8 "I wants all shiny fings, is all mines."9 "Dis howse wil be betta dan evah. All wil be nice n kwiet - no fytin"

Dirty kittehs nao get cheezburgers

10 Septembr twentyfor after Darius wuz rulin to yeres wuz the day wen ceiling cat sed sum moar impoartint thingz to Haggai.11 Him sez: "Haggai, be askin preists wut r00ls sez,12 if someone iz carryin cheezburgrs in him pokkit, n it tuchiz sum other food haz in hiz pokket on acsident, wut then, iz regulr food becum consekratid lyk cheezeburgrs?" But preists sayz no, itz stil not az consekratid lyk chezeburgerz iz.

13 Then Haggai ask dem: "so wut if a gross dirty cat that haev tuoched a kitteh that iz ded, him tuches food too, it iz gross to?" An they sed yes becuz kittiez that ded aer full of germiz an they smellz bad. Srsly.

14 So Haggai tell dem: "Den dis iz wut Ceiling Cat thinks. Yu aer sum groes dirteh kittiz. All yu care bout is bein gross and cheezbugrz is rly good. Wutevah yu be giving me is gross and nothing consekratid lyk cheezeburgr. I WANT TO HAS CHEEZBURGER!

15 "Nao Ai want yu to think n trai to rememember wut it wuz lyke befor yu maed me thiz niec baskit templ," sed Haggai, (but him wuz just tellin dem wut Ceilin Cat sed to him.)16 "Things wuz rly bad, Ai is rite?17 Ai haz made big stoans to fall down on ur heds lyk rian (dey is called haellstoanz). N Ai maed all ur food and cheezburgrs burnt an gross. N Ai haz maed ur stuff smell yucky n gross. An den yu didnt even ask me can yu haz halp from me.18 Yu be thinkin RLY hard abuot doze dayz.19 Yu iz haz any chop meet for making cheezburgr? Cuz befor dey wuz alwez burnt an no good for eatin. But nao itz okay an yu can has cheezburgrs."

Ceiling Cat sez: I chooz you Zerubbabel!

20 Den Ceiling Cat sed even moar stuff to Haggai on the saem day! Ceilin Cat and Haggai dey aer close.21 Him sed dis: "go tell Zerahbbabel wif funneh naem that Ai iz going to be makin an urthkwake for him, him can haz urthquake.22 Krazy stuffs going to be happen. Lyk chairz is gunna fall daon n all the cars iz gonna stop an not be killin the kittehs that iz nappin in the rodes. An all uf this stuff iz be fallin daon and everyone iz gunna be killin dem kittiez dat was in the same littr as dem. Kittehs dat wuz deir brodduh. Is fun.

23 "Datz the day," Ceilin cat sez "when I is going to be makin yu--Zerahbabbl--like my signet collr, which iz lyk bling bling. Cuz I chooz you Zerubbabel!" Dat'z wut Ceiling Cat haz sed an Ceiling Cat can haz bling bling.

Haggai 2
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