Haggai 1

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Old Testament
Ceiling Cat needz templ! Get 2 wurk!

1 So Darius wuz had been kyng for a-zactly 18 munts wen Ceiling Cat sez a msg to Haggai, who told it to Zerubbabel an Joshua like word fur word:

2 U Israel-cats r lazy cats. U says, "We cud maik templ-basket 4 Ceiling Cat, but DO NOT WANT todai. Is too much work. Tomorrw alwaiz bettr"

3 So Haggai kep talkingz, passing on teh wurds uv Ceiling Cat.4 He sai: How come u sleeps in special basket-hoamss with soft fancy blankets wen mah blankies r in tatters an mah basket-templ is in ruinz n I haz to sleeps on cold n dirti fluurs?

5 Kittehs u must haz prioriteez! U no giv cheezburger 2 Ceiling Cat, an what has it earneded U?6 U makeded cookies but u could not eated thems, for they was burned. U drankeded water but u still had thirsts (also later on you peed the waters out). U earneded monies but then lost them when you eated them.

7 Kittehs u must haz prioriteez!8 Go hop up onto hills, OK? Pluck weeds outta da groun 'n' weave me a new basket-templ now kthx.9 U thot u had gatherd enuf 2 bild mah basket-templ. Unacceptabulz! Ah puffd an bloo it awai. Coz yr basket-hoams R well bilt, an mine iz broken-down mess.10 So I punish you, maid it not rain n stuff. Because I's Ceiling Cat, an' I can does that.11 No rain at awl, so U FAIL!

12 N the Israel-cats remembered, n dey listened to Haggai coz Haggai was sent by Ceiling Cat. An also dey felts bad 4 him cuz his nmae sound lkie haggis

13 N Haggai sed, "Ceiling Cat r wit u!"14 Den Ceiling Cat juicd up the relijin ov Zerubabel an Joshua an all teh kittehs, so dey wurkd very hard on teh baskit-templ fur Ceiling Cat,15 gettin startd three an' a bit weeks later.

Haggai 1
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