Genesis 9

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needs moar

1 Teh Invisible Man blezt Noah and hes sunz, and sed to theys: “Haf lawt sex and fil up dis shiznit.

2 Teh aneemals wil be rly scured of u. I mak dem be pwned by u guyz, lol.

3 If it moufs, it kin be et. Even if it dun't—o hai plants.

4 Jst teh meet, doods. No bloods, kaikai?

5 Ifs u eets teh bloodz iz no gud; teh animulz cantz eets teh bloodz an teh mans cantz eets teh bloodz. An ifs u killz teh mans iz no gud--teh Invisible Man killz u.

6 “Ifs you killz da man,

Da man kills u, k?
Teh man is liek teh
Invisible man.

7 Yah rly, haves teh sex and teh baybeez;

Liek, tunz baybeez, k?
Evrywhers.”

8 Invisible Man sez to Noah an his kidz:

9 “Hay looks, u an me r liek teh bests frenz an I lieks ur baybeez too,

10 An' teh animulz u has: teh burdies, teh caws taht mooes, and teh otehr animulz, dem gives teh mooves off teh ark, k?

11 U and me r liek teh frenz: I no moar makez teh waterz comez; u noe gets wet no moar, k?”

12 Teh Invisible Man sez: “U noes taht u and me are teh frenz and me and teh animulz r teh frenz forevr n evr becuz dis:

13 Visible Raynbo iz in teh skyz, k? U an me an evrywunz is teh frenz becuz teh raynbo.

14 Ifs u sees teh clowdz, u no kin sez, "Oh Noes! Teh waters comes!" becuz tehres teh raynbo;

15 and I kin sez "Hay luk teh raynbo," becuz u and me and teh animulz are teh frenz; I no makes teh waterz come.

16 Teh raynbo will be in teh clowds and I remmbers taht u and me and teh animuls are stil sum moar teh frenz.”

17 And Invisible Man sez to Noah, “Teh raynbo meens u and me are teh frenz, k?”

Noah and his sons

18 Now the sons of Noah who went out of the ark were Shem, Ham, and Japheth. And Ham was the father of Canaan.

19 These three were the sons of Noah, and from these the whole earth was populated.

20 And Noah began to be a farmer, and he planted a vineyard. 21 Then he drank of the wine and was drunk, and became uncovered in his tent.

22 And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brothers outside.

23 But Shem and Japheth took a garment, laid it on both their shoulders, and went backward and covered the nakedness of their father. Their faces were turned away, and they did not see their father’s nakedness.

24 So Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done to him.

25 Then he said:

“Cursed be Canaan;
A servant of servants
He shall be to his brethren.”

26 And he said:

“Blessed be the LORD,
The God of Shem,
And may Canaan be his servant.

27 May God enlarge Japheth,

And may he dwell in the tents of Shem;
And may Canaan be his servant.”

28 And Noah lived after the flood three hundred and fifty years.

29 So all the days of Noah were nine hundred and fifty years; and he died.

Genesis 9
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