Genesis 7

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Old Testament

1 Ceiling Cat den said2 Noah, "Liek goes into teh ark, joo and joo kittens, cuz joo coolz an' righteous an' stuff. In dis generashun. 2 taek wif u 7 of evry kind ov clean moo cow, male an' its wife, an 2 ov evry kind of unclean moo cow, male an' its mate.3 An' also 7 ov evry kind ov burd, male an' female cuz teh burdz are scaredz of teh commitments, an' also 7 ov evry kind ov burd, male an' female (for teh saem reason) 2 keep their various kindz livin throughout teh earthz. 4 7 daiz and frum nao I;m gonna send teh wetness on teh earthz. A little advize, probabliez a gud idea to keep 'em seperatez so teh moo cows don't haev an episode of "PENIS GOES WHERE?" until joo get der.4 For 4ty daiz and 4ty nites, it gon b wet and I gun pwn some n00bs.."

5 An' Noah did what Ceiling Cat told him to, and installed dry wall between teh moo cows and his sons and his dawters so dey would not do nething liek to maek cowz go "PENIS GOES WHERE?!?" during teh 4ty daiz.

6 Noah was liek rlyz old when teh wetness came.7 An' noah and his kittens enterd teh ark so tehy wouldn't get teh wetness in their furz.8 All teh moo cows and teh other stuff Ceiling Cat (who talkz forever 'bout nutin) saidz9 male an' female, came 2 Noah and he dun put them in teh ark, as Ceiling Cat commandd him.10 An' after teh seven daiz teh wetness came.

11 In da liek 6 hunderd year of Noah's lief, on teh sevententh dai ov teh second munth-on dat dai all teh spreengs ov teh grate deepz liek spewed teh waterz on teh urf and teh floodgatez ov teh heavenz wuz opend.12 An' teh wetnessez came to teh urf an' it was all wet.

13 On dat der dai, teh sons of Noahz, Shem teh Jew, Japheth teh white guy, and Ham teh blak guy wif der wivez.14 Tehy had every kind of animal two 'cordin to it's kind, all moo cows 'cordin to it's kind, evry creachur dat mooves on teh grawnd 'cordin 2 its kind an' evry burd 'cordin 2 it's kind, evrythin wif wings too.15 pairs ov all creaturez dat has teh breath ov life in them came 2 noah an' enterd teh ark.16 teh animals goin in wuz male an' femail ov evry livin ting, as Ceiling Cat had commandd Noah. den teh lord shut him in.

17 4 forty dais teh flood kept comin on teh urthz, an' as teh waters increasd they liftd teh ark high aboov teh urthz.18 teh watahs rose an' increasd graitly on teh urthz, an' teh ark floatd on teh surface ov teh watr.19 thei rised greatlee on teh urthz, an' all teh high mowntins undr teh entir heavens wuz covrd.20 teh watrs rose an' coverd teh mowntinz 2 depth ov moar dan twenty feetz OMGWTFBBQ!!1!21 evry livin thin dat movd on teh urthz perishd — burdz, livestok, wild animalz, all teh creeturz dat swarm ovah teh urthz, an' all pplz. not catz doh. Ceiling Cat luv catz. Plus catz hates getting wet. DO NOT WANT! <322 evryting on dri land dat had teh breth ov life in itz nostrilz did.23 evry livin thin on teh face ov teh urthz wuz wipd out; d00dz an' animalz an' teh creeturz dat moov along teh ground an' teh burdz ov teh air wuz wipd frum teh urthz. only Noah wuz left, an' dose wif him in da ark.

24 teh watrz floodd teh urthz 4 hundrd an' fifty dais.

Genesis 7
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