Genesis 6

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1 & when men begun 2 begats kidz on teh urth, dey had dawters. wich is gud cuz Ceiling Cat still wudnt let dem masturbate.

2 & teh sons ov Ceiling Cat saw taht teh dawters ov mens wer rly hot & sexy; & dey sed "PENIS GOES WHERE?" & dey had sexxs but no buttsecks cuz it wuznt inventd yet.

3 & Ceiling Cat sed, i no fites wif ppl 4evr so i no lets tehm liv 4evr: aftr wiel dey wil getz ded. htey is stil thinkx dey can livs long tiem but i givs dem only 1 liefs insted ov 9 liek teh kittehs. so tehre.

4 & sum wierd d00dz calld Nephilim wer in teh urths in dose dais to scroos teh Creationists, & also aftr dat, when teh sons ov Ceiling Cat & dawters ov men did PENIS GOES WHERE?! but still no buttsecks, & they begats kidz. & teh kidz were badass powrful liek superman & wonder woman & all teh avatars in WoW, & dey wer all famous & stuf.

5 & Ceiling Cat saw dat teh ppl on teh urths wuz all wikkid & mean & evil, & dat ppl thot ov wikkid mean evil stuf all teh tiem. & they rited wikkidpedia so evry1 wud knoes how 2 b all wikkid & mean & evil.

6 & Ceiling Cat wuz rly sry dat he had madez ppl on teh urth, & it maded him all sad & pissed off & stuff.

7 & Ceiling Cat sed im gonna pwnz all teh ppl & aminals what i has maded on teh urth; ppl & moo cows & creepy crawlyz & burdz ov teh skyz & burdz liek ostridges & stuf who cant flyz; cuz i so sry i maded them.

8 But Ceiling Cat liekd noah alot.

9 This is story about noah. noah wuz rightchus d00d, & liek mor rightchus then any1 els. noah hung out wif Ceiling Cat alot & lissend 2 tunez & played pokemons & stuff.. & sum tiems Ceiling Cat even letz him winz cuz he liekd him alot.

10 & noah begat 3 sons, shem, ham, & japheth. but i alrdy told u that.

11 & teh urth wuz corruptd & messed up, & teh urths wuz filld wif meanies.

12 & Ceiling Cat saw teh urth, & saw taht it wuz corruptd cuz all teh ppl had fuxxxxd it up.

13 & Ceiling Cat sed 2 noah, i iz gonna pwnz the whole urth cuz teh urth has mor evilz & vilents then WoW & grand theft auto. so im gonna pwnz tehm & teh whole urths. all teh filez in ppls hedz iz all corruptd & dey keep emailin em 2 all ther frendz. i should haev kept it in Beta longr :( & inventd mcafee & nortonz & stuff to keep out trojan snake wormz & viruses & rootkitz & stuf liek that.

14 Make gynormus bote calld ark ov gophr wud; maek roomz in teh ark, & cover it wif tar on teh insidez & outsiedz. & noah sed wait a minit u cant getz wood frm gophrs, u has 2 use treez. & Ceiling Cat sed i can callz a tree a gophr if i wantz cuz i iz Ceiling Cat. so stfu & go getz ur hammerz & sawz & stuff. & noah sed k, brb.

15 & Ceiling Cat sed dis iz how u makez teh ark: teh length ov teh ark 300 cubits & teh width ov it 50 cubitz & teh hite ov it 30 cubits. & noah sed wtf iz a cubit & Ceiling Cat sed stfu again. so noah did.

16 maek sum windoze (but not teh µ!¢®0$0ƒ+ kind) in teh ark 2 cubitz hai & mek teh door in teh side. & maek it wif 1th, 2th, & 3th storiez.

17 & see, i makez teh flood ov waters upon teh hole urth, 2 pwnz all teh ppl & aminals & stuffz & evrythin in teh hol urths iz gets ded.

18 But i iz taeks care ov u & keeps u safe cuz i lieks u alot. & u can haz ride in teh ark, u & ur sons & ur wief & ur sons wifez 2.

19 & u taeks 2 ov every kind ov aminal into teh ark, 2 keep them aliv wif u; & mek shur dey r male & femael so dey can meks mor aminals after dey leavs teh ark but i wont letz dem do PENIS GOES WHERE?! on teh ark cuz mor aminals wud mek it 2 crouded.

20 Taek all kinds of teh birdz, & ov teh moocows, & ov teh creepy crawlyz on teh urth, 2 ov evry kind. but dont worry about teh fishz, dey can swimz gud.

21 & taek teh f00dz dat all teh ppl & aminals lieks 2 eatz, & gathr it up; & it shall b 4 fud 4 u, & 4 them. & noah sed thers gonna b lotz ov $#!+ to shuvl wif all dem aminals & stuff, & Ceiling Cat sed stfu i iz givez dem all rael bad constipashun so dont worry about it. & noah sed k and shutted up.

22 so noah did evry thin Ceiling Cat tellz him.




Genesis 6
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