Genesis 46

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Old Testament
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Jacob skedaddles 2 Egypt

1 An Israel whos rael naim wuz jacob taekz all hiz wiefs An hiz kidz An ther wiefs An hter kidz An his kittehs An hiz moo cowz An his sheeplz An stufs An said gon 2 egyptz An not brb k bai. An dey caem to Beer-sheba An jacob sed we can has bbq An htey burnt up a moocow An a sheepl An lotz ov catnipz An Ceiling Cat sed kthx ur rly g00d peepz An i lieks u alot.

2 An Ceiling Cat sed Jacob, Jacob. An he sed im in ur beersheba lissenin 2 Ceiling Cat.

3 An Ceiling Cat sed I am Ceiling Cat An teh Ceiling Cat of ur old man isaac. dont b all skeerd of goin 2 Egypt cuz u can has base htere An u can haz gynormus famlyz An call dem teh israelitez.4 I wil b in ur egyptz watchin ovr u An ur peepz. An evry wher els 2.

5 An Jacob sed we has a wagonz. An we can goes 2 egypts An Ceiling Cat sez iz gonna b k An wikkid evil ppl no can pwnz us An crocodiels An lionz An lolrusz no can eatz us.6 An he taekz all teh kittehz An teh moo cows An teh sheeplz An stufz An sed gon 2 egypts An not brb kbai.7 An all hiz wiefs An hiz kidz An ther wiefs An teh hol famlyz sed gone 2 egyptz An not brb kbai. An wuz alrdy big famlyz cuz jacob can has 4 wiefs An dey did alot ov PENIS GOES WHERE?! srsly.

8 An htese are all ov jacobs peepz. An most ov dem has wierd naemz cuz teh 1th peepz who rited teh bibbl can haz weird alfabetz.

9 jacobs kid Reuben who wuz not sammich had teh kidz Hanoch An Phallu An Hezron An Carmi.

10 An jacobs kid Simeon had teh kidz Jemuel An Jamin An Ohad An Jachin An Zohar An Shaul.

11 An jacobs kid Levi who wuz not pantz had teh kidz Gershon An Kohath An Merari.

12 An jacobs kid Judah had teh kidz Er An Onan An Shelah An Pharez An Zerah but Er An Onan wuz alrdy got ded. An Pharez had teh kidz Hezron An Hamul.

13 An jacobs kid Issachar had teh kidz Tola An Phuvah An Job who wuz a rael piece ov werk An Shimron.

14 An jacobs kid Zebulun had teh kidz Sered An Elon An Jahleel.

15 An htose kids momcat wuz Leah An hter sis wuz Dinah so tehr wuz 30 An 3 ov dem countin all teh kidz kidz.

16 An jacobs kid Gad had teh kidz Ziphion An Haggi An Shuni An Ezbon An Eri An Arodi An Areli.

17 An jacobs kid Asher had teh kidz Jimnah An Ishuah An Isui An Beriah An Serah ther sis. An Beriah had teh kidz Heber An Malchiel.

18 An thos kidz momcat wuz Zilpah An tehr wuz 16 ov em countin all teh kids kidz.

19 Jacob's wief rachel had teh kidz Joseph An Benjamin.20 An jacobs kid Joseph had teh kidz Manasseh An Ephraim in teh egpyt An ther momcat wuz Asenath.

21 An jacobs kid Benjamin did alot ov PENIS GOES WHERE!? An had teh kidz Bela who wuz not dracula An Becher An Ashbel An Gera An Naaman An Ehi An Rosh An Muppim who wuz not muppet An Huppim An Ard.

22 so countin all teh kidz kidz ther wuz 14 of dem.

23 An jacobs kid Dan had teh kid Hushim.

24 An jacobs kid Naphtali had teh kidz Jahzeel An Guni An Jezer An Shillem.

25 An bilhah wuz tehr momcat.

26 so all Jacobs famlyz who caem form canaan wuz 60 An 6 ppl not counting hiz kids wiefs An sum1 4got to rite down teh kids wiefz naims.27 An liek i sed b4, Joseph had 2 kidz in teh egyptz. so jacob can has 60 An 10 ppl in his hol famlyz but is k u no duz teh maths.

28 An judah axt joseph goshen is where An he told him so he dosnt haz 2 use f******xing mapquest!!! An htey said gon 2 Goshen cul8r kthxbai.29 An Joseph can has chariot cuz cars wuznt inventd yet An he sed 2 pharo gon 2 goshen brb An wnet 2 see his old man An dey got all emo An it wuz huggz tiem An dey cryed alot cuz dey wuz all happie An xited An stuff.

30 An jacob sed thx muchz to Ceiling Cat cuz i can seez joseph agin An he iz aliev An i can gets ded from bein all hapy An xcited An stuf..

31 An Joseph sed i tellz pharo dat all my famlyz iz in teh egpyt. gone 2 pharos base kbai 4 naow.32 An jacob An his kidz exept 4 joseph who wuz bosscat ov egpyt An his kidz kids wuz shepherds An can has lotz of moocows An sheeplz An dey brung all of tehm 2 egypts.33 An jospeh sed pharo is gonna axt u wat u do 4 werk.34 An u tellz dem we is shepherds An has lotz ov moo cowz An sheeps so pharo wil sai i maek ur base in teh land of Goshen cuz teh gypshuns gots dis wierd thing bout shepherdz An dey liek 2 eat sheeplz An moocows but htey dosent liek 2 liv wif dem An dey will say DO NOT WANT!111!!!!!!!!.

Genesis 46
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