Genesis 45

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Old Testament
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Joseph sez "Surpriz, itz me!"

1 hten Joseph cudnt stopz form gettin all emo An stuffz An he sed 2 his peepz all u d00dz go wai An dey sed k. An Joseph stopz fakin out his bros.2 An he got all emo. srsly. An he cryed An stufz An all teh Egyptians in pharos base hurd him but taht wuz k cuz menz wuz aloud 2 cryz back in teh day.

3 An Joseph said hai, I iz ur bro Joseph. iz our old man stil aliev? An his bros wuz getin all skeerd An stufz An didnt knoes wtf 2 do.

4 An Joseph sed 2 his bros bleev me i iz Joseph ur bro wut u selld to teh egypshunz 4 20 moneyz long tiem ago.5 but dont b all sad An skeerd An stufz cuz Ceiling Cat wantd me 2 com here An saev teh ppl An teh kittehs form starvin An getin ded form teh hungerz.6 cuz teh hungerz An starvashunz haz ben goin on 4 2 yrz An we stil can haz 5 mor yrs ov no cheezburgrz An no cookiez An stuf.7 An Ceiling Cat wantd me 2 mek shur hter wil b enuf cheezburgrz An cookies An cornz An katfudz An catnipz An stuffs so teh peepz An teh kittehs wont get ded form teh hungrz An starvashunz.

8 So u didnt rly do wikkid evil thing even tho it lookd liek u did. Ceiling Cat maded u do it. srsly. An he tellz pharo 2 maekz me bosscat ov all his base An ov all teh land ov Egypt. so tehre.9 so u can goez bak 2 ur old manz base An tellz him joseph sez Ceiling Cat maded me bosscat ov all teh Egypts An he can comz ovr 2 my base rite awai.10 An i maekz base 4 u in teh land ov Goshen An u An ur wiefs An ur kidz An tehr wiefs An ur hol famlyz An ur kittehs An ur moocows An ur sheeplz can livz tehre.11 An i wil givz u lotz of cheezburgrz An cookies An cornz An catf00dz An catnipz cuz htere wil b 5 mor yrs ov hungerz An starvashunz An no cheezburgrz An no cookies An if u staiz in canaan u mite get ded form teh hungrz An starvashunz An DO NOT WANT!!!1111!!!!!!

12 newai u can lookz at me An seez taht i iz ur bro. 4 rael.13 An tell our old man taht im in ur egyptz bein teh bosscat An teh egypt is gud place 4 base An he shud com here rite awai.

14 An joseph got all emo again An it wuz huggz tiem An he An benjamin had big huggz An cryed An stuf.15 An all his otehr bros got all emo 2 An it wuz rly rly huggz tiem. srsly.

16 An evry1 in pharos base sed Josephs bros are heer, how kewl iz dat? An pharo An all his peepz sed w00t!.17 An pharo said 2 Joseph all ur bros can goes bak 2 ur old manz base.18 An bringz him An all ur famlyz An moocows An sheepz An kittehs bak 2 egypt: An I wil maekz base 4 htem An dey can has lotz ov cheezburgrz An cookies An cornz An catf00ds An catnipz An stuf.

19 An dey can haz wagons 4 teh famlyz An teh kittehs but teh moocows An teh sheeplz can walkz. but sry i no can givz tehm truckx cuz truckx haznt ben nventd yet An u rly shud axt ur Ceiling Cat bout taht cuz soundz liek gud idea.20 An tel tehm dont wry about all ur otehr stufs cuz u can has all new stuffs form teh egyptz. An not walmart stuffz either, u can haz teh rly gud stuf liek bloomingdalez An nieman marcus.

21 so pharo tellz joseph 2 giv dem 10 wagonz but no truckx cuz truckx wuznt nventd yet An joseph gave tehm f00dz 2 so dey wudnt haz to stopz at mcdonalds. wich wuz gud cuz mcdonalds wuznt inventd yet either but pharos cheezburgrz wuz alot betr newai. An no can haz truckx was k 2 cuz gas wuznt nventd yet.22 he gaev htem all noo clos but he gaev Benjamin mor clos den ne1 An he gaev him 300 moneyz 2.23 An he gaev tehm 20 donkys wut wuz carryin ppl fudz An cat f00dz An a lotz ov othr rly gud stufffs 2 taeks wif tehm. oh An donky foodz 2 cuz liek i sed b4 donkyz dosent lieks cheezburgrz An cookies.24 An dey sed kthx gon 2 canaan brb An he sed wach out An dont letz ne1 pwnz u An dont letz teh crocodielz An teh lionz An teh lolruses eatz u k bai.

25 An htey went bak 2 tehr old manz base An no1 pwnzd dem An teh crocodielz An teh lions An teh lolrusz did not eated htem.26 An dey toldz Jacob Joseph iz in ur egyptz bein teh bosscat ov all ov it. An Jacob didnt bleev htem An sed wtf no wai u 4 rael?! An he almos cud has hartatakkxz but he didnt. wich wuz gud cuz cpr wuznt nventd yet.27 An dey tellz him wot Joseph sed 2 dem An when he seez all teh wagons An teh donkyz he sed k i bleevs u. rly.28 An Israel whos rael naim wuz Jacob sed how kewl is taht! Joseph iz aliev An iz bosscat of all teh egyptz. w00t! i can goes 2 seez him An b wif him An haz noo base b4 i get ded.

Genesis 45
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