Genesis 41

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Old Testament
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Pharoz Drem

1 An aftr 2 years pharo can has wierd dremz An he dremd he stood by teh rivr.2 An 7 fat moocowz cam up out ov teh river An eated gras An stufz in teh field but dey didnt eated teh catnipz cuz taht wuz blong 2 Ceiling Cat.3 An 7 mor moocowz cam up out ov teh river, An dey wer all skinny An ugly An dey stood by teh othr moocowz by teh rivr.4 An teh 7 skinny moocowz eated up teh 7 fat moocows. moocows dosent eats moocows irl but it wuz drem so dey cud eatz dem. An pharo woke up.

5 An he went bak 2 sleepz An he can haz anothr wierd drem, An he saw 7 ears ov rly gud corm growin on 1 plant.6 An 7 dryed up ears grew aftr taht.7 An teh 7 dryd up ears eated up teh 7 rly gud ears. cormz cant eatz othr cormz irl but it wuz drem so dey cud eated tehm. An pharo woke up An saw dat it wuz drem.

8 An in teh mornin he wuz all skeerd An emo An stuffz An he txtd all teh majic d00ds ov Egypt An all teh rly smrt geek d00ds An sed com 2 my base An pharo told tehm hiz drem; but no 1 cud tellz pharo wtf it meanz.

9 An then teh butler d00d sed 2 pharo, oh noes i 4got 2 tellz u An im rly sry:10 1 dai pharo was all pissed off An stuffz wif me An teh bakr d00d cuz we rly skrood up An stuf, An teh cheef of poleesez cam An puts me An teh bakr d00d in teh dunjun An it rly suxxd:11 An we bof can haz wierd drems 1 nite. he dremd bout bukkitz ov cookies An i dremd about grapez An wien.12 An a Hebrew d00d wuz bosscat ov all teh prisonerz An he sed tellz me bout ur drems An i wil axt Ceiling Cat wtf dey meanz An we tellz him, An he tellz us bof wtf teh dremz meanz.13 An wut he tellz us bout teh dremz happend irl, pharo tellz me iz ok i lieks u again An he letz me be butler d00d again but he chopd of teh bakers hed An hung him on a tree An teh burds eated him liek he wuz cookies.

14 Tehn pharo IMd teh bosscat of teh dunjun An sed tell Joseph to come ovr 2 my base, An dey took him out ov teh prison An he took baffs wich wuz ok cuz he wuz rly drty form bein in teh dunjun An besiedz he liekd baffs, An he shave his face cuz no 1 in egypt wuz muslimz yet An teh hebrooz wuznt rly jooz yet so dey didnt haz to has beardz An he put on sum noo clos An sum noo sneekz An went 2 pharos base.

15 An pharo sed 2 Joseph i can haz wierd dremz An no 1 can tellz me wtf it meanz An teh butler d00d tellz me u nos wtf drems meanz.

16 An Joseph sed i dono but i can axt Ceiling Cat An he wil tellz me wtf it meanz so u wil feelz betr An not b all skeerd An stuffz.

17 An pharo sed 2 Joseph, In my drem i wuz standin bai teh rivr:18 An 7 fat moocowz cam up out ov teh river An eated gras An stufz in teh field but dey didnt eated teh catnipz cuz taht wuz blong 2 Ceiling Cat.19 An 7 mor moocowz cam up out ov teh river, An dey wuz all skinny An ugly An i nevr saw such skinny ugly moocowz in all teh land ov Egypt.20 An teh 7 skinny moocowz eated up teh 7 fat moocows.21 An aftr dey eated tehm up, dey wer stil all skinny liek dey didnt eated dem An tehn i woke up.

22 An i went bak 2 sleepz An i can haz nothr wierd drem, An i saw 7 ears ov rly gud corm growin on 1 plant.23 An 7 dryed up ears grew aftr taht.24 An teh 7 dryd up cormz eated up teh 7 rly gud cormz.. An i woke up An saw dat it wuz drem. An I tellz taht 2 teh majic d00dz An teh rly smrt geek d00dz but no 1 knoz wtf it meanz.

25 An Joseph sed 2 pharo, bof teh drems meanz teh sam ting: Ceiling Cat tellz pharo wutz gon 2 happn.26 teh 7 fat moocowz r 7 gudyears but not teh blimpz kind cuz blimpz haznt ben nventd yet. An teh 7 gud cormz r 7 gudyears but not teh blimpz kind yadda yadda An teh peepz can has lotz ov cheezburgrs An cookies An stuffs so its teh sam ting.27 An teh 7 skinny ugly moocowz r 7 years; An teh 7 dryd up cormz meanz tehr wil b 7 bad years ov no cheezburgrz An no cookies.

28 An liek i sed b4, Ceiling Cat tellz u wots gonna happnz.29 see, der wil b 7 gud years wif lotz ov cheezburgrz An cookies An stuff all ovr Egypt:30 An aftr taht der wil b 7 years ov no cheezbugrs An no cookies; An all teh peepz in Egypt wil b hungry An starvin An stuf An evn 4get wtf iz cheezburgrz An cookies;31 An all dat hungryz An starvashun cuz of no cheezburgrz An no cookies wil rly suxx.32 An cuz pharo dremd teh sam drem 2x it meanz taht Ceiling Cat iz rly gonna do all taht rly soon. srsly.

33 so pharo shud getz a rly gud smrt d00d An letz him b bosscat ov teh land ov Egypt so pharo duznt haz 2 wry bout it.34 An pharo shud let him getz 5 otehr gud smrt d00dz to werk 4 him An be bosscatz ov teh land ov Egypt 4 teh 7 gud years. (but joseph didnt thinx bout gettin sum wiminz to do it cuz taht wuz waybackintehwayback An wimin bosscats hadnt ben nventd yet.)35 An letz tehm gather up lotz of cheezburgrz An cookies An cakez An icecreemz An othr foodz An stufz An mek shur dey getz lotz of cormz 2 An bildz gynormus bildinz in teh cities 2 keep al teh fudz in An dont 4gets teh katfudz An catnipz 4 teh kittehs.36 An u wil haz lotz of fudz 4 teh 7 bad yearz of no cheezburgrz An no cookies so teh ppl in egypt wont b all hungry An starvin An dyin An stuffz. An dont wry, Ceiling Cat wil makez mirakel An teh icecreemz wont get all meltd An teh meeses wont getz in2 teh bildinz An eatz up all teh foodz An mek meese poopz all over it cuz dat wud rly suxx. srsly.

37 An pharo sed 2 joseph, u iz rly gud smrt d00d. An all his peepz thot so 2.38 An pharo sed 2 his peepz, wehre can we find sum1 2 do all dis stuffs? An dey sed duh, getz joseph 2 do it.

39 An pharo sed 2 Joseph, k ur teh 1 Ceiling Cat talkz 2 An u r rly gud smrt d00d. u teh man.40 i wil maeks u teh bosscat ov my base, An u wil tellz all teh ppl wot 2 do: im teh only 1 gonna b ur bosscat cuz i iz pharo.

Joseph New Bosscat

41 An pharo sed 2 Joseph, See, I maekz u bosscat ovr all teh land ov Egypt.42 An pharo tuk off his ring An put it on Josephs hand but it didnt meanz dey wuz ngaged An stuf, he just wantd 2 giv him some bling so teh peepz wud seez dat he was bosscat An rly important d00d An no 1 betr mess wif him, An he gaev him sum rly badass clos An sum totaly 1337 kicks An gaev him sum mor bling so teh ppl wud be rly shur he wuz bosscat. srsly.43 An he gaev him his 2th best tricked out ride but it wuz chariot cuz carz hadnt ben nventd yet An wehn teh ppl seez him comin dey getz all xited An sez respekz tihs d00d cuz he iz bosscat ov all teh land ov Egypt.

44 An pharo sed 2 Joseph, I am pharo, An i sai no 1 in all teh land ov Egypt can do ne thing unles u sez k.45 An pharo sed u can has new naim, i wil callz u Zaphnath-paaneah wich iz rly hard 2 speel but teh egipshunz had rly weird riting taht wuz all maed out ov pitchurs nsted ov lettrz; An he letz him marry Asenath wich is rly wierd naim 4 a grrrl cuz it soundz kind ov drty An he finaly found out bout “PENIS GOES WHERE?!” An she wuz teh daughter ov Poti-pherah wich soundz kind ov drty 2 An he wuz priest ov On wich isnt hard 2 speel An dosent soundz drty. An Joseph sed kthxbai An went all ovr teh land ov Egypt in his tricked out ride tellin all teh peepz wot 2 do An stuff An dey sed k.

46 An Joseph was 30 yrz old wen pharo maded him bosscat of egypt. An Joseph sed cul8r pharo i haz 2 go 2 werk An stuff kthxbai, An went all ovr Egypt in his tricked out ride but i alrdy told u taht.47 An 4 7 gudyears but not teh blimpz kind cuz blimpz wuznt nventd yet, lotz ov foodz grew An tehre wuz lotz ov cheezburgrz An cookies An cakes An icecreems An catfudz An catnipz An stuffs An lotz of ppl An kittehs got fat An stuff wich wuz ok cuz tehn dey wudnt starv l8r.48 An he tuk all teh xtra peepz fudz An catz fudz An catnipz ov teh 7 gud years An bilded gynormus bildinz in teh cities An puts all teh foodz An catnipz An stuffz in tehre.49 An Joseph puts so meny bukkitz An bukkitzz ov cormz in tehr taht no 1 cud countz tehm. wich wuz gud cuz popcorm had ben nventd An all teh peeps liekd 2 eatz popcorm wen dey wuz watchin dere dvdz An stuf An wehn dey axidently dropz popcormz on teh flor teh kittehs thinkx itz toyz An lieks to playz wif it but dey duznt lieks 2 eatz it.

50 An Joseph An asenath rly liekd taht “PENIS GOES WHERE?” stufz An dey had 2 sons b4 teh bad years ov no fudz cam.51 An Joseph naimz teh 1th kid Manasseh cuz he sed it meanz Ceiling Cat maded me 4getz how much mai lief suxxed b4 An how much i missd my old mans base.52 An he naimd teh 2th kid Ephraim cuz he sed it meanz Ceiling Cat gaev me lotz An lotz of gud stuffz so mai lief dosent suxx no mor.

53 An tehn teh 7 years ov lotz An lotz of cheezburgrz An cookies An stuffz wuz ovr.54 An teh 7 years ov no cheezburgrz An cookies An stuffz cam just liek Joseph sed: An ther wuz hungerz An starvashunz An otehr bad stuffz all ovr teh urths; but in Egypt der wuz lotz An lotz of foodz An catnipz An stuf.55 An wen all teh peepz in Egypt gotz hungry, dey sed 2 pharo we can haz cheezburgr? An pharo sed go 2 Joseph cuz he is bosscat ov u An do wot evr he sez. An dey sed kthxbai..

56 An ther wuz hungerz An starvashunz An otehr bad stuffz all ovr teh urths but i alrdy told u dat. An Joseph opened up all teh gynormus bildinz wer teh ppl foodz An cat fudz An catnipz An stufz wuz, An he sold teh foodz An catnipz An stufz 2 teh Egyptians An dey gaev him alot ov moneyz An said thx 4 all teh fudz An catfoodz An catnipz An stuffs kbye.57 An all teh peepz form teh hol urthz cam 2 Egypt 2 by ppl fudz An catfoodz An catnipz An stuffs cuz der wuz hungryz An starvashunz An bad stufz liek taht all ovr teh urths An joseph sed u can haz cheezburgrz An cookies An cakez An icecreemz An katfudz An catnipz An stuf An dey gaev him lotz ov moneyz An evry1 sed kthxbai.

Genesis 41
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