From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
1 An' teh man told his wife "We gun have keeds" and eve his wife said "PENIS GOES WHERE?" Aftur teh explanashun adam "knews" eve his wife; an' she birthd', an' bare cain, an' said, i has gotten man wif teh halp ov Invisible Man, but he kinda mean fo' makin' it hert so bad.
2 An' again she bare his brothr abel. an' abel wuz keepr ov teh moo cows, but cain wuz tillr ov teh ground cuz he was part mexican.
3 An' in proces ov time it came 2 pas, dat cain brought ov teh fruit ov teh ground an offerin unto Invisible Man, because he just got off Atkins.
4 An' abel, he also brought ov teh first froots ov his moo cows an' ov teh fat of em cuz teh moo cows are on Atkins. An' Abel gaev to Invisible Man his Pokemans. An' Invisible Man liekd abel an' his fudz an' his pokemans
5 But cain an' 2 his offerin he had no liekd. an' cain wuz mad, an' his countenance fell.
6 An' Invisible Man said unto cain, y art thou wroth? an' y iz thy countenance fallen?
7 If joo do gud, isn't it gun go up? an' if joo doest not well, sin coucheth at teh door: an' unto thee shall b its desire, but do thou rule ovar it.
8 An' cain told abel his brothr. an' it came 2 pas, when they were in da field, dat cain rose up against abel his brothr, an' slew him.
9 An' Invisible Man said unto cain, where iz abel thy brothr? an' he said, i knoe not: iz i meh brothr's keepr?
10 An' he said, wat hast thou dun? teh voice ov thy brothr's blood crieth unto me fum teh ground.
11 An' nao cursd art thou fum teh ground, which hath opend its mouth 2 receiv thy brothr's blood fum thy hand;
12 When thou tillest teh ground, it shall not henceforth yield unto thee its strength; fugitiv an' wanderr shalt thou b in da earth.
13 An' cain said unto Invisible Man, meh punishment iz greatr than i can bear.
14 Behold, thou hast driven me out dis dai fum teh face ov teh ground; an' fum thy face shall i b hid; an' i shall b fugitiv an' wanderr in da earth; an' it will come 2 pas, dat whosoevr findeth me will slay me.
15 An' Invisible Man said unto him, therefore whosoevr slayeth cain, vengeance shall b taken on him sevenfold. an' Invisible Man appointd sign 4 cain, lest any findin him should smite him.
16 An' cain went out fum teh presence ov Invisible Man, an' dwelt in da land ov nod, on teh east ov eden.
17 An' cain knew his wife; an' she conceivd, an' bare enoch: an' he buildd city, an' calld teh name ov teh city, aftr teh name ov his son, enoch.
18 An' unto enoch wuz born irad: an' irad begat mehujael: an' mehujael begat methushael; an' methushael begat lamech.
19 An' lamech took unto him 2 wivez: teh name ov teh wan wuz adah, an' teh name ov teh othr zillah.
20 An' adah bare jabal: he wuz teh fathr ov such as dwell in tents an' has cattle.
21 An' his brothr's name wuz jubal: he wuz teh fathr ov all such as handle teh harp an' pipe.
22 An' zillah, she also bare tubal-cain, teh forgr ov every cuttin instrument ov bras an' iron: an' teh sistr ov tubal-cain wuz naamah.
23 An' lamech said unto his wivez: adah an' zillah, hear meh voice; ye wivez ov lamech, hearken unto meh speech: 4 i has slain man 4 woundin me, an' young man 4 bruisin me:
24 If cain shall b avengd sevenfold, truly lamech seventy an' sevenfold.
25 An' adam knew his wife again; an' she bare son, an' calld his name seth. 4, said she, gawd hath appointd me anothr sed instead ov abel; 4 cain slew him.
26 An' 2 seth, 2 him also thar wuz born son; an' he calld his name enosh. den began men 2 call upon teh name ov Invisible Man.Genesis Five