Genesis 4

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{{Old Testament}}
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[[Category:Genesis|Genesis 4]]{{Old Testament}}
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1 An' teh man told his wife "We gun have keeds" and eve his wife said "PENIS GOES WHERE?" Aftur teh explanashun adam "knews" eve his wife; an' she birthd', an' is has teh kid cain, an' said, i has gotten man wif teh halp ov Ceiling Cat, but he kinda mean fo' makin' it hert so bad.  
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===== Cain pwns Abel =====
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{{verse
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|1=So Adam an Eve did sumfin dat ull lurn abowt wen yur oldr. Latr, Eve had a kitteh naymd Cain. She sed, "OMG Ceiling Cat givez me a boi!!!!".
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|2=Latr, Eve has nothr kitteh naymd Abel, but dunno wat she sed aftr dat. Wen Cain an Abel gotz big, Abel tuk caer of teh shepe an Cain wuz a farmr leik his daddy.
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|3=An aftr awhiel Cain gaev sum of teh froots for offerin to Ceiling Cat, cuz he just got off Atkins.
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|4=An Abel tuk sum yummy moocow fat, an he made teh 1st cheezburger, an gaev it to Ceiling Cat. Ceiling Cat thot it wuz AWSUM an sed, "U go Abel!"
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|5=But Cainz offerin he no liekd. Ceiling Cat sed, "DO NOT WANT! Epic fail!!1!one!" So Cain got teh angries.
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2 An' again she is has his brothr abel. an' abel wuz keepr ov teh moo cows, but cain wuz tillr ov teh ground cuz he was part mexican.
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{{verse
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|6=Ceiling Cat sed to Cain, "Hay! Wuts wit da tood? An y iz u all liek sad an stuf?
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|7=If u doez gud stuf, u wil has a happee. But if u doez bad stuf, sin wants in: it wants to has you, but u hafta maik it go awai. Kthxbye."
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}}
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3 An' in proces ov time it came 2 pas, dat cain brought ov teh fruit ov teh ground an offerin unto Ceiling Cat, because he just got off Atkins.
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{{verse
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|8=An Cain told Abel his bruda wut happnd. An wun dai wen dey wuz in teh bakyard, Cain got all up in Abelz face, an totlly pwnd him.
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4 An' abel, he also brought ov teh first froots ov his moo cows an' ov teh fat of em cuz teh moo cows are on Atkins. An' Abel gaev to Ceiling Cat his Pokemans. An' Ceiling Cat liekd abel an' his fudz an' his pokemans
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{{verse
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|9=Ceiling Cat sed "Cain, ware iz mah Abel???" Cain sed, "Ai dunno. Ai iz not kitteh-sitter."
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}}
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5 But cain an' 2 his offerin he had no liekd. an' cain wuz mad, an' his countenance fell.  
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{{verse
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|10=An Ceiling Cat was liek, "O RLY? Ur ded bruda iz mewin frum undr teh carpt. (Ceiling Cat haz totally xlnt heerin an stuf)
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|11=K so nao cursd r u fum teh urfs, dat tuk yur bro's blud frum yur pawz.
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|12=Yu can try an gro froots an veggiez, but teh urf isnt gonna cooperate. An its gonna sux cuz therz no farmwrkr yoonyun yet. So yur gonna play hide-an-go-seek for teh rest of yur lief. Wel, kinda."
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6 An' Ceiling Cat said unto cain, y art thou wroth? an' y iz thy countenance fallen?
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{{verse
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|13=An Cain sed to Ceiling Cat "Tihs sux.
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|14=U ban me from teh urf an killz me an i haz no iteh bitteh kitteh committeh, an i'm dumd wit evrywun, even n00bs will pwnz meh!"
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7 If joo do gud, isn't it gun go up? an' if joo doest not well, sin coucheth at teh door: an' unto thee shall b its desire, but do thou rule ovar it.
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=====Cain's kittehs=====
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8 An' cain told abel his brothr. an' it came 2 pas, when they were in da field, dat cain rose up against abel his brothr, an' slew him.  
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{{verse
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|15=An Ceiling Cat said "Ok den, aniwun dat pwns u, dey wil get pwnd and pwnd and pwnd and pwnd and pwnd and pwnd and pwnd." An Ceiling Cat makz speshul tatoo for Cain, so nobudy findin him wud pwn him. Dat's wun humdingr uv a tatoo.
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|16=An Cain rode on hiz invisibul biek awai frum Ceiling Cat. He gotz teh mornin sunbaff befor teh kittehs in Eden, cuz he catnappd in Nod.
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9 An' Ceiling Cat said unto cain, where iz abel thy brothr? an' he said, i knoe not: iz i meh brothr's keepr?
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{{verse
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|17=So aftr Cain and hiz gurl did sumfin ull lurn abowt wen ur oldr, his gurl had a kitteh namd Enoch. He maks a city calld Enoch tu, cuz he finks Enoch rulz.
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|18=Enoch had a kitteh namd Irad, whu had a kitteh namd Mehujael, whu had a kitteh namd Methusael, whu had a kitteh namd Lamech. Not all at teh saym tiem, tho.
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10 An' he said, wat hast thou dun? teh voice ov thy brothr's blood crieth unto me fum teh ground.  
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{{verse
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|19=Lamech gots marreed to twu gurlz namd Adah an Zillah. No wun had wrot relaishunship help buks yet, so it wuz teh awkward.
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|20=Adah had a kitteh namd Jabal. He liekd sleepovrs alot so he livd in a tent, an othr ppl startd livin in tents too. O ya, he had moocows too.
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|21=Jubal wuz Jabal's bro. (Deir mum liekd tung-twistrz.) Jubal liekd musik, an datz wher rok'n'rol caim frum.
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|22=Zillah had a kitteh namd Tubalcain, or Toob fer short. He liekd makin stufs owt of metal, an datz wher cowbell cumz frum. O ya, he had a sista namd Naamah. Dont no wut she did, tho.
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11 An' nao cursd art thou fum teh ground, which hath opend its mouth 2 receiv thy brothr's blood fum thy hand;
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{{verse
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|23=Lamech told his wivez, "Hey Adah, Zillah! Listn tu me. R u listnin? Ok gud, cuz ai just pwnd somwun cuz dey gaiv me an owchie.
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|24=If Cain getz 7x paybak, den 77x paybak for Lamech."
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12 When thou tillest teh ground, it shall not henceforth yield unto thee its strength; fugitiv an' wanderr shalt thou b in da earth.
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=====Seth=====
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13 An' cain said unto Ceiling Cat, meh punishment iz greatr than i can bear.
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{{verse
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|25=Anywai, Adam an his wief did sumfin ull lurn abowt wen yur oldr. She had a kitteh namd Seth. She sed, "Itz a boi!! Thanx Ceiling Cat, u givz me anothr kitteh insted of Abel, cuz Cain... cuz Cain..." She cuddnt finish hur sentnce tho, an startd bawlin.
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14 Behold, thou hast driven me out dis dai fum teh face ov teh ground; an' fum thy face shall i b hid; an' i shall b fugitiv an' wanderr in da earth; an' it will come 2 pas, dat whosoevr findeth me will slay me.  
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|26=Seth had a kitteh namd Enos. Den kittehs startd to say hai to Ceiling Cat moar often n stuff.
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15 An' Ceiling Cat said unto him, therefore whosoevr slayeth cain, vengeance shall b taken on him sevenfold. an' Ceiling Cat appointd sign 4 cain, lest any findin him should smite him.
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16 An' cain went out fum teh presence ov Ceiling Cat, an' dwelt in da land ov nod, on teh east ov eden.  
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17 An' cain knew his wife; an' she conceivd, an' is has teh kid enoch: an' he buildd city, an' calld teh name ov teh city, aftr teh name ov his son, enoch.
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18 An' unto enoch wuz born irad: an' irad is has teh kid mehujael: an' mehujael is has teh kid methushael; an' methushael is has teh kid lamech.  
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19 An' lamech took unto him 2 wivez: teh name ov teh wan wuz adah, an' teh name ov teh othr zillah.  
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20 An' adah is has teh kid jabal: he wuz teh fathr ov such as dwell in tents an' has cattle.  
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21 An' his brothr's name wuz jubal: he wuz teh fathr ov all such as handle teh harp an' pipe.  
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22 An' zillah, she also has teh kid tubal-cain, teh forgr ov every cuttin instrument ov bras an' iron: an' teh sistr ov tubal-cain wuz naamah.  
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23 An' lamech said unto his wivez: adah an' zillah, hear meh voice; ye wivez ov lamech, hearken unto meh speech: 4 i has slain man 4 woundin me, an' young man 4 bruisin me:
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24 If cain shall b avengd sevenfold, truly lamech seventy an' sevenfold.  
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25 An' adam knew his wife again; an' she is has teh son, an' calld his name seth. 4, said she, Ceiling Cat hath appointd me anothr sed instead ov abel; 4 cain slew him.  
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26 An' 2 seth, 2 him also thar wuz born son; an' he calld his name enosh. den began men 2 call upon teh name ov Ceiling Cat.
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[[Category:Genesis|Genesis 4]]
[[Category:Genesis|Genesis 4]]
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Latest revision as of 18:41, 17 September 2011

Old Testament
Bible5.gif
Cain pwns Abel

1 So Adam an Eve did sumfin dat ull lurn abowt wen yur oldr. Latr, Eve had a kitteh naymd Cain. She sed, "OMG Ceiling Cat givez me a boi!!!!".2 Latr, Eve has nothr kitteh naymd Abel, but dunno wat she sed aftr dat. Wen Cain an Abel gotz big, Abel tuk caer of teh shepe an Cain wuz a farmr leik his daddy.3 An aftr awhiel Cain gaev sum of teh froots for offerin to Ceiling Cat, cuz he just got off Atkins.4 An Abel tuk sum yummy moocow fat, an he made teh 1st cheezburger, an gaev it to Ceiling Cat. Ceiling Cat thot it wuz AWSUM an sed, "U go Abel!"5 But Cainz offerin he no liekd. Ceiling Cat sed, "DO NOT WANT! Epic fail!!1!one!" So Cain got teh angries.

6 Ceiling Cat sed to Cain, "Hay! Wuts wit da tood? An y iz u all liek sad an stuf?7 If u doez gud stuf, u wil has a happee. But if u doez bad stuf, sin wants in: it wants to has you, but u hafta maik it go awai. Kthxbye."

8 An Cain told Abel his bruda wut happnd. An wun dai wen dey wuz in teh bakyard, Cain got all up in Abelz face, an totlly pwnd him.

9 Ceiling Cat sed "Cain, ware iz mah Abel???" Cain sed, "Ai dunno. Ai iz not kitteh-sitter."

10 An Ceiling Cat was liek, "O RLY? Ur ded bruda iz mewin frum undr teh carpt. (Ceiling Cat haz totally xlnt heerin an stuf)11 K so nao cursd r u fum teh urfs, dat tuk yur bro's blud frum yur pawz.12 Yu can try an gro froots an veggiez, but teh urf isnt gonna cooperate. An its gonna sux cuz therz no farmwrkr yoonyun yet. So yur gonna play hide-an-go-seek for teh rest of yur lief. Wel, kinda."

13 An Cain sed to Ceiling Cat "Tihs sux.14 U ban me from teh urf an killz me an i haz no iteh bitteh kitteh committeh, an i'm dumd wit evrywun, even n00bs will pwnz meh!"

Cain's kittehs

15 An Ceiling Cat said "Ok den, aniwun dat pwns u, dey wil get pwnd and pwnd and pwnd and pwnd and pwnd and pwnd and pwnd." An Ceiling Cat makz speshul tatoo for Cain, so nobudy findin him wud pwn him. Dat's wun humdingr uv a tatoo.16 An Cain rode on hiz invisibul biek awai frum Ceiling Cat. He gotz teh mornin sunbaff befor teh kittehs in Eden, cuz he catnappd in Nod.

17 So aftr Cain and hiz gurl did sumfin ull lurn abowt wen ur oldr, his gurl had a kitteh namd Enoch. He maks a city calld Enoch tu, cuz he finks Enoch rulz.18 Enoch had a kitteh namd Irad, whu had a kitteh namd Mehujael, whu had a kitteh namd Methusael, whu had a kitteh namd Lamech. Not all at teh saym tiem, tho.

19 Lamech gots marreed to twu gurlz namd Adah an Zillah. No wun had wrot relaishunship help buks yet, so it wuz teh awkward.20 Adah had a kitteh namd Jabal. He liekd sleepovrs alot so he livd in a tent, an othr ppl startd livin in tents too. O ya, he had moocows too.21 Jubal wuz Jabal's bro. (Deir mum liekd tung-twistrz.) Jubal liekd musik, an datz wher rok'n'rol caim frum.22 Zillah had a kitteh namd Tubalcain, or Toob fer short. He liekd makin stufs owt of metal, an datz wher cowbell cumz frum. O ya, he had a sista namd Naamah. Dont no wut she did, tho.

23 Lamech told his wivez, "Hey Adah, Zillah! Listn tu me. R u listnin? Ok gud, cuz ai just pwnd somwun cuz dey gaiv me an owchie.24 If Cain getz 7x paybak, den 77x paybak for Lamech."

Seth

25 Anywai, Adam an his wief did sumfin ull lurn abowt wen yur oldr. She had a kitteh namd Seth. She sed, "Itz a boi!! Thanx Ceiling Cat, u givz me anothr kitteh insted of Abel, cuz Cain... cuz Cain..." She cuddnt finish hur sentnce tho, an startd bawlin.26 Seth had a kitteh namd Enos. Den kittehs startd to say hai to Ceiling Cat moar often n stuff.

Genesis 4
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