Genesis 4

From LOLCat Bible Translation Project

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
(Made it a bit less highbrow)
Line 1: Line 1:
{{Old Testament}}
{{Old Testament}}
-
1 An' teh man told his wife "We gun have keeds" and eve his wife said "PENIS GOES WHERE?" Aftur teh explanashun adam "knews" eve his wife; an' she birthd', an' is has teh kid cain, an' said, i has gotten man wif teh halp ov Ceiling Cat, but he kinda mean fo' makin' it hert so bad.  
+
1 & teh man told his wife "We gun have kidz" & eve his wife said "PENIS GOES WHERE?" Aftur teh explanashun adam "knews" eve his wife; & she is has teh kid cain, & said, i has gotten man wif teh halp ov Ceiling Cat, but he kinda mean 4 makin' it hert so bad.  
-
2 An' again she is has his brothr abel. an' abel wuz keepr ov teh moo cows, but cain wuz tillr ov teh ground cuz he was part mexican.
+
2 & again she is has his brothr abel. & abel wuz keepr ov teh moocows, but cain wuz farmr cuz he was part mexican.
-
3 An' in proces ov time it came 2 pas, dat cain brought ov teh fruit ov teh ground an offerin unto Ceiling Cat, because he just got off Atkins.
+
3 & after awhile cain brought sum ov teh froots ov teh ground 4 an offerin unto Ceiling Cat, cuz he just got off Atkins.
-
4 An' abel, he also brought ov teh first froots ov his moo cows an' ov teh fat of em cuz teh moo cows are on Atkins. An' Abel gaev to Ceiling Cat his Pokemans. An' Ceiling Cat liekd abel an' his fudz an' his pokemans
+
4 & abel, he also brought teh first froots ov his moo cows (but froots dosent grow on moocows, so must b sum kind of mirakel), & ov teh fat of em cuz teh moo cows are on Atkins. & he made teh 1st cheezburger & gaev it 2 Ceiling Cat. & Abel gaev to Ceiling Cat his Pokemans. & Ceiling Cat liekd abel & his fudz & his pokemans
-
5 But cain an' 2 his offerin he had no liekd. an' cain wuz mad, an' got all liek sad an stuff.  
+
5 But cain & 2 his offerin he had no liekd. & Ceiling Cat sed, do not want. cuz u didnt makez cookies out ov it, & besiedz u didnt bringz me any catnipz. & cain wuz mad, & got all liek sad & stuff.  
-
6 An' Ceiling Cat said unto cain, y art thou wroth? an' y iz u all liek sad an stuff?  
+
6 & Ceiling Cat said unto cain, y is u be so pissed off? & y iz u all liek sad & stuff?  
-
7 If joo do gud, isn't it gun go up? an' if joo doest not well, sin coucheth at teh door: an' unto thee shall b its desire, but do thou rule ovar it.  
+
7 If u do gud, isn't it gun go up? & if u doest not well, sin coucheth at teh door: & unto u shall b its desire, but do thou rule ovar it. (i dont undrstanz this part either. they just use to talk all wierd & stuf liek that.)
-
8 An' cain told abel his brothr. an' it came 2 pas, when they were in da field, dat cain rose up against abel his brothr, an' totally pwnzd him.  
+
8 & cain told abel his brothr wot happnd. & 1 day when they were out in da field, cain got all up in abels face, & totally pwnzd him.  
-
9 An' Ceiling Cat said unto cain, where iz abel thy brothr? an' he said, i knoe not: iz i meh brothr's keepr?
+
9 & Ceiling Cat said cain, where iz abel? & cain sed, i dono: xqz me i iz not babysitr.
-
10 An' he said, wat joo do? teh voice ov thy brothr's blood crieth unto me fum teh ground.  
+
10 & he said, wat u do? teh voice ov thy brothr's blood crieth unto me fum teh ground. (Ceiling Cat haz totally xlnt hearing & stuf.)
-
11 An' nao cursd art thou fum teh ground, which hath opend its mouth 2 receiv thy brothr's blood fum thy hand;  
+
11 & nao cursd art thou fum teh ground, which hath opend its mouth 2 receiv thy brothr's blood fum thy hand;  
-
12 When thou tillest teh ground, it shall not henceforth yield unto thee its strength; fugitiv an' wanderr shalt thou b in da earth.  
+
12 When thou tillest teh ground, it shall not henceforth yield unto thee its strength; fugitiv & wanderr shalt thou b in da earth. & its gonna sux cuz therz no united farmwrkr union yet.
-
13 An' cain said unto Ceiling Cat, meh punishment iz greatr than i can bear.  
+
13 & cain said unto Ceiling Cat, meh punishment iz greatr than i can bear.  
-
14 Behold, thou hast driven me out dis dai fum teh face ov teh ground; an' fum thy face shall i b hid; an' i shall b fugitiv an' wanderr in da earth; an' it will come 2 pas, dat whosoevr findeth me will slay me.  
+
14 Behold, thou hast driven me out dis dai fum teh face ov teh ground; & fum thy face shall i b hid; & i shall b fugitiv & wanderr in da earth; an' it will come 2 pas, dat whosoevr findeth me will pwnz me.  
-
15 An' Ceiling Cat said unto him, therefore whosoevr pwnz cain, vengeance shall b taken on him sevenfold. an' Ceiling Cat appointd sign 4 cain, lest any findin him should pwnz him.  
+
15 & Ceiling Cat said unto him, therefore whosoevr pwnz cain, i will pwnz him 7x. & Ceiling Cat appointd sign 4 cain, lest any findin him should pwnz him.  
-
16 An' cain went out fum teh presence ov Ceiling Cat, an' dwelt in da land ov nod, on teh east ov eden.  
+
16 & cain went out fum teh presence ov Ceiling Cat, & dwelt in da land ov nod, on teh east ov eden.  
-
17 An' cain knew his wife; an' she conceivd, an' is has teh kid enoch: an' he buildd city, an' calld teh name ov teh city, aftr teh name ov his son, enoch.
+
17 & cain knew his wife (but ther waznt any grrrlz yet xcept his mom, so must b sum othr kind of mirakel but Ceiling Cat is totally 1337 wen it comez 2 mirakels liek makin more grrrlz); & she is has teh kid enoch: & cain buildd city, & calld teh name ov teh city, aftr teh name ov his son, enoch.
-
18 An' unto enoch wuz born irad: an' irad is has teh kid mehujael: an' mehujael is has teh kid methushael; an' methushael is has teh kid lamech.  
+
18 & unto enoch wuz born irad: & irad is has teh kid mehujael: & mehujael is has teh kid methushael; & methushael is has teh kid lamech.  
-
19 An' lamech took unto him 2 wivez: teh name ov teh wan wuz adah, an' teh name ov teh othr zillah.  
+
19 & lamech took unto him 2 wivez (c i told u Ceiling Cat cud makez more grrrlz!!!1!): teh name ov teh 1 wuz adah, & teh name ov teh othr zillah.  
-
20 An' adah is has teh kid jabal: he wuz teh fathr ov such as dwell in tents an' has cattle.  
+
20 & adah is has teh kid jabal: & he & his kidz got to campz out in tents liek it wuz vacayshun but they had to chase after all teh moocows & sheeps an stuff so maybe it wasnt that much fun after all.  
-
21 An' his brothr's name wuz jubal: he wuz teh fathr ov all such as handle teh harp an' pipe.  
+
21 & his brothr's name wuz jubal: & he & his kidz maded all the tunez & stuff & invented the ipod.  
-
22 An' zillah, she also has teh kid tubal-cain, teh forgr ov every cuttin instrument ov bras an' iron: an' teh sistr ov tubal-cain wuz naamah.  
+
22 & zillah, she also has teh kid tubal-cain, & he & his kidz maded all teh knifes & swordz & razrbladez & other sharp metal stuf: & teh sistr ov tubal-cain wuz naamah.  
-
23 An' lamech said unto his wivez: adah an' zillah, hear meh voice; ye wivez ov lamech, hearken unto meh speech: 4 i has slain man 4 woundin me, an' young man 4 bruisin me:  
+
23 & lamech said unto his wivez: adah & zillah, hear meh voice; ye wivez ov lamech, hearken unto meh speech: 4 i has pwn3d sum d00d 4 woundin me, & sum young d00d 4 bruisin me:  
-
24 If cain shall b avengd sevenfold, truly lamech seventy an' sevenfold.  
+
24 If cain shall b avengd 7x, truly lamech 77x.  
-
25 An' adam knew his wife again; an' she is has teh son, an' calld his name seth. 4, said she, Ceiling Cat hath appointd me anothr sed instead ov abel; 4 cain slew him.  
+
25 & adam knew his wife again; & she is has teh son, & calld his name seth. 4, said she, Ceiling Cat gaev me anothr kid instead ov abel; 4 cain pwnzd him.
 +
 
 +
26 & 2 seth, 2 him also thar wuz born son; & he calld his name enosh. den began men 2 call upon teh name ov Ceiling Cat.
-
26 An' 2 seth, 2 him also thar wuz born son; an' he calld his name enosh. den began men 2 call upon teh name ov Ceiling Cat.
 
[[Category:Genesis|Genesis 4]]
[[Category:Genesis|Genesis 4]]

Revision as of 05:05, 9 October 2007

Old Testament
Bible5.gif

1 & teh man told his wife "We gun have kidz" & eve his wife said "PENIS GOES WHERE?" Aftur teh explanashun adam "knews" eve his wife; & she is has teh kid cain, & said, i has gotten man wif teh halp ov Ceiling Cat, but he kinda mean 4 makin' it hert so bad.

2 & again she is has his brothr abel. & abel wuz keepr ov teh moocows, but cain wuz farmr cuz he was part mexican.

3 & after awhile cain brought sum ov teh froots ov teh ground 4 an offerin unto Ceiling Cat, cuz he just got off Atkins.

4 & abel, he also brought teh first froots ov his moo cows (but froots dosent grow on moocows, so must b sum kind of mirakel), & ov teh fat of em cuz teh moo cows are on Atkins. & he made teh 1st cheezburger & gaev it 2 Ceiling Cat. & Abel gaev to Ceiling Cat his Pokemans. & Ceiling Cat liekd abel & his fudz & his pokemans

5 But cain & 2 his offerin he had no liekd. & Ceiling Cat sed, do not want. cuz u didnt makez cookies out ov it, & besiedz u didnt bringz me any catnipz. & cain wuz mad, & got all liek sad & stuff.

6 & Ceiling Cat said unto cain, y is u be so pissed off? & y iz u all liek sad & stuff?

7 If u do gud, isn't it gun go up? & if u doest not well, sin coucheth at teh door: & unto u shall b its desire, but do thou rule ovar it. (i dont undrstanz this part either. they just use to talk all wierd & stuf liek that.)

8 & cain told abel his brothr wot happnd. & 1 day when they were out in da field, cain got all up in abels face, & totally pwnzd him.

9 & Ceiling Cat said cain, where iz abel? & cain sed, i dono: xqz me i iz not babysitr.

10 & he said, wat u do? teh voice ov thy brothr's blood crieth unto me fum teh ground. (Ceiling Cat haz totally xlnt hearing & stuf.)

11 & nao cursd art thou fum teh ground, which hath opend its mouth 2 receiv thy brothr's blood fum thy hand;

12 When thou tillest teh ground, it shall not henceforth yield unto thee its strength; fugitiv & wanderr shalt thou b in da earth. & its gonna sux cuz therz no united farmwrkr union yet.

13 & cain said unto Ceiling Cat, meh punishment iz greatr than i can bear.

14 Behold, thou hast driven me out dis dai fum teh face ov teh ground; & fum thy face shall i b hid; & i shall b fugitiv & wanderr in da earth; an' it will come 2 pas, dat whosoevr findeth me will pwnz me.

15 & Ceiling Cat said unto him, therefore whosoevr pwnz cain, i will pwnz him 7x. & Ceiling Cat appointd sign 4 cain, lest any findin him should pwnz him.

16 & cain went out fum teh presence ov Ceiling Cat, & dwelt in da land ov nod, on teh east ov eden.

17 & cain knew his wife (but ther waznt any grrrlz yet xcept his mom, so must b sum othr kind of mirakel but Ceiling Cat is totally 1337 wen it comez 2 mirakels liek makin more grrrlz); & she is has teh kid enoch: & cain buildd city, & calld teh name ov teh city, aftr teh name ov his son, enoch.

18 & unto enoch wuz born irad: & irad is has teh kid mehujael: & mehujael is has teh kid methushael; & methushael is has teh kid lamech.

19 & lamech took unto him 2 wivez (c i told u Ceiling Cat cud makez more grrrlz!!!1!): teh name ov teh 1 wuz adah, & teh name ov teh othr zillah.

20 & adah is has teh kid jabal: & he & his kidz got to campz out in tents liek it wuz vacayshun but they had to chase after all teh moocows & sheeps an stuff so maybe it wasnt that much fun after all.

21 & his brothr's name wuz jubal: & he & his kidz maded all the tunez & stuff & invented the ipod.

22 & zillah, she also has teh kid tubal-cain, & he & his kidz maded all teh knifes & swordz & razrbladez & other sharp metal stuf: & teh sistr ov tubal-cain wuz naamah.

23 & lamech said unto his wivez: adah & zillah, hear meh voice; ye wivez ov lamech, hearken unto meh speech: 4 i has pwn3d sum d00d 4 woundin me, & sum young d00d 4 bruisin me:

24 If cain shall b avengd 7x, truly lamech 77x.

25 & adam knew his wife again; & she is has teh son, & calld his name seth. 4, said she, Ceiling Cat gaev me anothr kid instead ov abel; 4 cain pwnzd him.

26 & 2 seth, 2 him also thar wuz born son; & he calld his name enosh. den began men 2 call upon teh name ov Ceiling Cat.




Genesis 4
Books Chapters
← Previous Next → ← Previous Next →
N/A Book of Exodus Genesis Three Genesis Five

1157775914442.jpg:

Catdick.jpg

Personal tools