Genesis 38

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Old Testament
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Judah an Tamar go 2 whitecastle
Onan.

1 Tehn Judah lefted hiz brotherz and wented to stai wif one of Adullam's d00ds, Hirah.2 Judah meeted Shua there. He wuz a Canaanite wif h0t dotter. Judah WANT. They wuz married n HARBLZ WENT WHERE?3 She gotted pregnant and nameded her kitten Er.4 N she hadded a secnd kitten n nameded him Onan.

5 N a third kitten Shelah. He wuz bornd at Kezib.6 Judah wuz liek "I gots wife for u Er, her name iz Tamar."7 But Ceiling Cat was watching Er be badz! so Ceiling Cat killded him.8 Then Judah wuz liek "OK Onan, u know WHERE HARBLZ GO wif ur brother's wife. Its ur job now to make kittenz for ur brother."

9 But Onan knew that the kittenz would not be hiz (bcz thatz how Jewish law workt LOL) so he wuz all "DO NOT WANT" n soz he pulld out n got man juice on teh floorz.10 Ceiling Cat didnt likez that neithr cuz tehn no kittehz are get created. So Ceiling Cat killded him too.11 Then Judah was liek "Tamar, live liek a widow in ur father's house until mai son Shelah grows up." See Judah thought Shelah would die liek hiz brotherz. Tamar was liek "OK."12 So aftr a long tiem Judah's wife died. She wuz Shua's daughtr remembr. Aniwai when Judah felt bettr he wented to Timna wif hiz frend Hirah teh Adullamite to shear hiz sheepz. The sheepz wuznt Hirah's, they wuz Judah's.

13 When Tamar finded out Judah wuz coming14 she taked off her black clothes n putted on a veil for a disguise. Then she sitted down at teh entrance to Enaim. That iz on teh way to Timnah OK? This wuz bcz Shelah wuz grown up now but he hadnt married her.15 Judah seed her and wuz liek "OMG hookr!" bcz her face wuz covered.16 N he wuz all liek "Hey babi." Tamar wuz liek "How much?"17 "A babi goat," sez Judah. "OK but until I getz it?" sez Tamar.18 "Liek what duz u wantz?" sez Judah.19 "Ur seal n itz cord n ur staff," said Tamar. So he gived them to her and HARBLZ WENT WHERE? n she gotted pregnant.

20 Then she left and taked off her disguise and putted her black clothes back on.21 So Judah's friend Hirah tried to take her teh goat, but he didn't finded her.22 He askded evribodi "Where iz that hookr?" but they were all liek "No hookr here!"23 So he wented back and tolded Judah "I didn't finded her n eniwai teh menz wuz all liek 'No hookr here.'"24 Then Judah was like "Well she can haz my stuffz or evribody will be liek LOL. I tried and sended her teh goat but you couldn't finded her."25 Three months aftr that some d00d told Judah, "Tamar iz a hookr n she iz pregnant." Judah wuz liek "Bring her out n burn her!"26 When they did she sended Judah a message. "Teh man who ownz these stuffz iz teh one who gotted me pregnantz," she said. "U see this befor?"27 Judah was liek "OMG LOL she winz! bcz I wouldn't let her marry mai son Shelah." There wuz no more harblez betwin Judah and Tamar aftr that.

28 She hadded twins.29 When tehy wuz bein bornz one of tehm putted out hiz paw, n teh midwife putted a red thread on it n said "U wuz first."30 But then he pullded hiz paw back n hiz brother comed out. Teh midwife was liek "So this is how you has brokened out!" and they nameded him Perez.31 N then hiz brother, who hadded teh red thread on his paw, comed out n they nameded him Zerah.

Genesis 38
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