Genesis 33

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Old Testament

1 Looken up Jacob seen Esau cumin, wif four hunnud menz. He splizs up his kittehz tween Leah, Rachel n teh maidz,2 putten da maidz n dere kittehs fust cuz dey meanz leezt 2 him; Leah n her kittehz nexzt cuz she be a legal wif but he don luv herz, n Rachel n Joseph last cuz he really likes doin PENIS GOES WHERE? with her and when he seez Joseph he rememberz dat.3 Jacob goez ahead and bendz down to the ground 7x tho u shld bend ur nees when u pick up stuff else ur back goez out, but dey din no dat den, lolz! till he wuz neer his brudder.4 Esau runz to greetz Jacob. He hugzes himz and kissez him and dey criez BOO HOO HOO like dey like each other or sumpthin.6 Da maidz n dere kittehs come up and smelled Esau's butt,7 n den Leah n her kittehs cum up and smelled Esau's butt, and den Rachel n Joseph cum up and smell Esau's butt.8 N he (Esau I guess) sez "What j00 mean by paradin ur mamacats n kittehs by me?" He (Jacob?) sez "To smell ur butt lolz!"9 Esau dez "WhatEVER I have nuff mamacatz n kittehs n bling n cheezburgerz, don need urs."10 But Jacob is such a brown-noser he sez "PLEEZ if u do me dis favur n take it cuz lookin at ur face is like lookin at Ceiling Cat cuz you both hairy n red lolz, n u didn eated uz.=11 Take my pressie, cuz I broughtz it 2 u all dis way on a camel, n Ceiling Cat likez me n I have lotz of cheezburgerz." N when he urged him, he tooks it.

12 N [Esau] sez "k lets go nao, I'll go wit u"13 But he said 2 him "liar u no the kittehs are weak n da sheeples n goatse r nursin babeez, can no force dem 2 go fast or dey diez!14 U go 1st n I'll catch up 2 u in Seir, k?"

15 Esau sez "U can has menz dat r wif me" but he said (guess it wuz Jacob sayin dis) "O noez!!11!1one!1! u r 2 nicens"16 So Esau goez back to his base in Seir17 But Jacob iz a lier lolz cuz he goez to Succoth n buildz crib 4 him n his cattlez n cattlez have stalls n dat why dey callz it Succoth cuz that means "booths" n Hebrewz jive lolz

18 Den Jacob gets to da burg Shechem in da land o' Canaan -- he gots here from Paddan-aram -- n he is campin dere.19 He can has land he campen on cuz he boughteded it from Hamor's kittehs, Hamor is Shechem's kitty-daddy, for 100 kesitahs (n nobody knowz what a kesitah is no mo so we don no if he gotz good price r not lolz)20 He setz up altar dere n callz it EL-elohe-yisrael dat mean "Ceiling Cat uf Israel."

Genesis 33
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