Genesis 30

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Old Testament

1 Rachel has INVISIBLE DIAPHRAM n sez Jacob "Gimmeh babies or I go ded".

2 Jacob sez "I no can see INVISIBLE DIAPHRAM, WTF?"

3 She sez "do PENIS GOES WHERE on Bilhah, my GF K?"

4 Jacob sez "YES!1!! and did PENIS GOES WHERE in Bilhah"5 Bilhah ploop out kid.6 Rachel sez "TNX Ceiling cat" n name kid Dan

7 Bilah ploop out another8 Rachel sez "I WIN", n call hims Naphtali, but Jacob just be smilin

9 when Leah got INVISIBLE DIAPHRAM, she gived her GF Zilpah to Jacob"10 Jacob say "OH YEA!!1! n do PENIS GOES WHERE? n Zilpah ploop out boy"11 Leah name him Gad.

12 Jacob find viagra n do PENIS GOES WHERE again on Zilpah n she ploop out another.13 Leah CAN HAS happy n call kid Asher.

14 When Reuben wuz harvestin wheat he find cookiez, He gived teh delicious cookiez to hiz mom Leah, Rachel sez "CAN I HAS delicious cookiez?"

15 Leah sez "YOU CAN NO HAS my cookiez as I can no do PENIS GOES WHERE? with Jacob"

Rachel sez "U can do PENIS GOES WHERE if I can has delicious cookiez"

16 Jacob cums home, n Leah sez "I DO WANT PENIS GOES WHERE?, I paid 4U with delicious cookiez". Jacob did PENIS GOES WHERE?

17 Ceiling cat wuz watchin from hiz hole n removed INVISIBLE DIAPHRAM, so Leah gots teh preggerz.18 Leah sez "Ceiling cat iz happy when I gives Jacob my GF Zilpah" so when she ploop out boy, she names him Issachar.

19 Leah ploop out another20 Leah sez "Ceiling cat gived me nother kid, Jacob gonna leik me now, I names kid Zebulun"

21 Later she ploop out gurl called Dinah

22 Ceiling cat take out Rachel's INVISIBLE DIAPHRAM23 She ploop out boy n say "TNX Ceiling cat"24 She calls him Joseph n sez "I can has another?"

Jacob maeks moar blinkey sheepz

25 After Rachep ploop out Jeseph, Jacob sez "I wanna go home" to Laban.26 I CAN HAS wifes n kids so I can GTFO.

27 Laban sez "pls stay, Ceiling cat leik U.28 I pay you not 2 GTFO".

29 Jacob sez "I wurked hard",30 I maded you moar animulez n Ceiling cat gived U cheezburgerz, now it's my turn.

31 "Whut U want?" he ask.

"DO NOT WANT. but if U do this, I keep bein on ur land, watchin ur sheepz32 "Lemme takes all polkadotted n dark sheepz n goatze 4 mai monies.33 If U evar see a white sheepz or goatz from me, means I stoled it from U"

34 "K sez Laban"35 So Jacob CAN HAS all polkadotted n dark sheepz n goatz n giveh thems to hiz sons.36 Then he go 3 dayz away n still watch Laban's sheepz"

37 He maek stripey wood by peelin barks off branchez,38 He putted stripey wood ovar waterz so when sheepz see stripeys when they do39 PENIS GOES WHERE? n all teh babeis came out stripey.40 he tooked all the stripeyz.41 He did this 4 teh strong animules42 n not 4 the weak animulez, so Jacob CAN HAS all the stong 1s43 Jacob got teh rich n CAN HAS large flockz n servents n sheeps n donkies n camulels.

Genesis 30
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