Genesis 3

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Old Testament
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Sneeky Snaik trikz Boi an Gurl

1 Sneeky snaik is sneeky. Teh snaik sed to teh gurl, "'No eat froot,' Ceiling Cat says? 'Or u die,' Ceiling Cat says?"

2 An teh gurl sed, "We can has froot.3 But we no can has froot frum teh tree in teh middl of teh gardn. Ceiling Cat sez, 'If u tuch it or nom it, ull die. So pawz off.'"

4 Teh snaik lol'd an sed, "U wont die frum froot, srsly.5 Ceiling Cat just sed dat cuz teh froot will maek u guyz smart. U guyz wud be ceiling catz, cuz u wud has morulz!

6 Teh gurl saw teh froot had a flavr, an it lookd yummy. It wud giv her sum morulz, too. So she nom-nomd teh froot. She gaev sum to teh boi, an he nom-nomd teh froot too.7 Then thay got morulz, so it didnt taek too long to figgur owt thay wuz naked. Boi an gurl maded sumfin owt of leevz to keep teh praivits praivit.8 Wen thay heerd Ceiling Cat chasin buttrfliez in teh gardn, thay jumpd in a bush to plai hide-an-seek, xcept thay hopd Ceiling Cat wud frget bout teh "seek" part. He didnt.

9 Ceiling Cat sed, "Boi? Boi?? BOI!!!"

10 Boi sed, "O hai. I heerd u ovr thare, but ai freekd owt cuz ai wuz naked, so ai hid in teh bush."

11 Ceiling Cat sed, "Wayt a minit! How did u fynd owt? U didnt nom teh bannd froot, did u?"

12 Boi said, "Rmembr teh gurl u mayd for me? Ai onli eated teh froot cuz she gaev it to me."

13 Ceiling Cat sed to teh gurl, "U did WUT?" Gurl said, "Teh snaik playd durty trik on me, an ai eated teh froot. It taystd gud, but dat not poynt."

Ceiling Cat banishiz Boi an Gurl frum teh gardn of Eden.

14 Ceiling Cat sed to teh snaik, "Cuz u did dis, ur cursd aboov all teh moocows an farm animulz!!! Ur gonna moov on yur belly forevah, cuz ai gonna taek ur legs an giv dem to teh Chinese to eat!!!! Ur gonna havta eet durt forevah!!!!!15 Im gonna maik gurlz afrayd of snaikz, an teh macho boiz will skwish u on teh hed to impress them, an u will nom thair foot. Srsly."

16 Ceiling Cat sed to teh gurl, "Ur gonna hav sum srs hurtz wen u giv birfs to yur kittehs. An frum nou on, yur hubs iz gonna rool ovr u, an u hav to do wat he sayz.

17 Ceiling Cat sed to teh boi, "Cuz u listnd to teh gurl insted of me, teh grownd iz cursd, an ull b wrkin ur buttz off ur hol life. An makin cheezburgers will be vry hard now.18 Ull hav to get rid of weedz to grow stufs, an ull hav to eat teh farm plantz.19 Ur gonna hafta swet leik crazee if u wantz cheezburgerz. An itll b leik dat until u die an turn bak into durt, cuz datz ware u caim frum anywai."

20 Teh boi naymd his gurl Eve cuz she wuz teh mothr of all ppl (an also cuz if he naymd her Bertha he woulda been lol'd at all da tiem).21 It wuz gettin rly awkwurd, so Ceiling Cat mayd sum clothz for dem.22 An Ceiling Cat said, "Lookie, thay iz leik us, cuz thaye has morulz! Letz do sumfin so thay wont taek teh cheezburgerz of teh tree of happee, cuz then thay wud liv forevah! Dat wud b bad."23 So Ceiling Cat kicked teh boi outta teh gardn to be a farmr. An it stinkd cuz ther wasnt no farmwurkor yoonyun yet.24 Wen thay wuz owt, Ceiling Cat put sum birdkats an a rly sharp buttrnaif at teh welcom sign, so no kittehs wud get to teh tree of happee an nom teh cheezburgerz. Evah.

Genesis 3
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